Tag: drow headcanon

This is part six of a multi-part series exploring how I, Lise, see the drow of D&D. For more info, see part 1’s introduction. Also worth reading is the post where this all started: “On making the drow less problematic.”

1. Introduction + the banality of evil and social Darwinism
2. The law of “don’t get caught”
3. The ultimate in “guess” culture
4. Chosen ones
5. Connoisseurs of sensual pleasures
6. Sexual orientation (you are here)
7. Gender identity and trans-ness
8. Yes, heat vision
9. Drow language
10. Consent in the matriarchy
11. No one is born knowing their society is fucked
12. Etc etc

Sexual orientation

As a queer weirdo, it bothers how aggressively… straight the drow can be in canon. As we established in the last post, drow fuck, but after tens of thousands of years, they haven’t gotten creative with it?

Let’s look at the canon character of Jarlaxle — a drow male outlaw who runs a powerful mercenary band, and has the matriarchy wrapped around his finger. He is the ur-drow male in my head; the perfect intersection of “god I wish this were me” and “god I wish someone like this would plow me.”

^{(Being on the ace spectrum myself, whenever I say things like “plow me,” please understand that this is hyperbole).}

Jarlaxle also is incredibly flamboyant and queer-coded.

… like, he wears a rainbow cape and belly shirt and surrounds himself with an almost-entirely male mercenary band; come on.

He’s not just queer-coded, either! Several years ago, Jeremy Crawford, lead rules designer for 5e, came out and said, “yes, Jarlaxle is pansexual.” (And fanboys collectively lost their shit… but that’s another story). And as written in Waterdeep: Dragon Heist (by Chris Perkins and Matt Mercer, among others), he flirts with all the PCs equally, and he is accompanied by both male and female consorts. So that’s pretty neat.

And yet, R.A. Salvatore keeps missing the memo, and so this progressiveness is still lacking from the Drizzt novels.

… even when he spends entire books writing about Jarlaxle — as in the Sellswords trilogy, or the flashback sections of the Generations trilogy. (There’s a reason I refer to these trilogies, respectively, as “Jarlaxle and Artemis Chilling In a Hot Tub Three Feet Apart Because They’re Not Gay” and “Jarlaxle and Zaknafein Chilling In a Hot Tub Three Feet Apart Because They’re Not Gay”).

… even when Jarlaxle’s relationships with other male characters are much more interesting and fleshed out than his relationships with female characters.

… even when there are entirely too many sexual innuendos involving swords.

^{And this is why I haunt the “Jarlaxle Baenre” tag on AO3.}

About the only nod to queerness we get, that I’ve seen, is when RAS offhandedly mentions that the character of Malice also bangs women — and that’s only because he wants to vilify her even more by painting her as “slutty.”

^{(Listen there are many, many things to hate about Malice, but this ain’t it).}

Well, Salvatore may ignore it, but my headcanon is: of course there are queer drow.

To me, homo- and bi/pansexuality are fairly common and accepted in drow culture, within the other limiting factors of the society. Female homosexuality is probably even expected, and totally understandable. (Because of course; ew, males). Especially when they’re at the Academy together, where the closest male drow are students of the warrior and wizard schools — all a good deal younger than them, and probably seen as wildly immature.

Of course, a Matron Mother would also be expected to birth daughters, so she’d probably need a sperm donor somewhere along the line. But as long as she’s got that covered, no one cares who she beds.

Male homosexuality, OTOH, is probably less “accepted” and more “ignored.” As I wrote in Bright Future:

“Always she? I am assuming an awful lot about you, aren’t I?”

“You assume correctly, though.” Honestly, it would have been so much easier if he had fancied other men. There was an entire demimonde that catered to that in Menzoberranzan, and for the most part it was beneath the notice of the priestesses. Of course, that would not have been nearly so profitable.

Bright Future, chapter 15, “Siltrin.”

Same thing about homosexuality at the Academy applies — there aren’t a lot of available drow females, so there’s gonna be a lot of more-or-less normalized M/M sex.

I also think that these queer relationships are assumed to be entirely sexual. This is in line with the discussion in my “drow fuck” post, where romance is almost nonexistent in drow society. And when it’s not — if you actually become attached to the person — it’s either weird (if you’re female) or criminal (if you’re male and you get caught).

As an example, I played Kzandr in my drow intrigue game as bi. I wrote this bit in his character history, about his relationship with Kyrnill (his lover from a higher-ranked house) and Ruvyn (the wood elf slave he caught feelings for):

But Kyrnill would not tolerate that. It was one thing for Kzandr to bed a pretty whore in his free time; it was another to bring that whore into his home. It would betray more attachment than he actually had for Ruvyn, and Kzandr must remember he belonged to Kyrnill.

In the events of the game itself, Kyrnill did find out Kzandr had developed actual affection for Ruvyn, and decided to make his life a living hell. It ended… poorly.

Of course, this covers the gendered aspect of attraction, but what about folks who might identify on the asexual spectrum? (Of particular interest to me!) My take on it is: ace folks exist, but in a heavily sexualized culture like the drow’s, they’re gonna have a bad time.

Such was the story of Jhevaeth, my arcane trickster rogue in Dragon Heist, who basically decided that he’d rather get kicked out of wizard school than fuck an instructor. From his backstory:

Of course, like most things in drow society, passing the exams was more a matter of greasing the right palms, with coin or blood or favors — something Jhevaeth had never been good at.

His sisters, in their own wretched way, tried to help. One of their instructors at Arach-Tinilith held some sort of leverage over the Master of Evocation of Sorcere. (Evocation was always Jhevaeth’s weakest area of study). She also happened to be looking for someone to warm her bed. If Jhevaeth just presented himself at the right place at the right hour…

But no. He wasn’t an idiot; he knew the only thing more disposable than a male student at Tier Breche was a male consort. He assured his sisters he would soldier on without their dubious help. 

When the scores were tallied, Jhevaeth came in dead last on the comprehensive exams.

But hey, at least he missed the famous graduation demon orgy.

Later, in game, he actually developed… something?? with an aromantic non-binary drow, and things got a little strange for him. His ace identity is as hard to pin down as mine!

Interestingly, too, a common fanon reading of Drizzt is that he’s demisexual or otherwise ace spectrum! That certainly is consistent with his behavior in the books.

Basically, I see no reason why one’s sexual orientation, qua non, would be a problem in Lolthite drow society. That same society does put limits on the social acceptability of certain pairings for other reasons, however — mostly Because Toxic Matriarchy™️.

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Next up, my thoughts on drow gender identity and what it means to be trans or nonbinary in drow society. Unfortunately, it’s a lot darker of an interpretation than this one!

This is part five of a multi-part series exploring how I, Lise, see the drow of D&D. For more info, see part 1’s introduction. Also worth reading is the post where this all started: “On making the drow less problematic.”

1. Introduction + the banality of evil and social Darwinism
2. The law of “don’t get caught”
3. The ultimate in “guess” culture
4. Chosen ones
5. Connoisseurs of sensual pleasures (you are here)
6. Sexual orientation
7. Gender identity and trans-ness
8. Yes, heat vision
9. Drow language
10. Consent in the matriarchy
11. No one is born knowing their society is fucked
12. Etc etc

Connoisseurs of sensual pleasures

(CW: spicy)

This is another one that is talked about extensively in canon, starting back in 2e. But I have a few unique twists on it.

First, there’s “sensual” in the original usage of the term — “appealing to the senses.” This means drow like to indulge in things that look, feel, smell, sound, and taste good. We have examples for this in most lore sourcebooks:

Drow like to give and receive massages–long, skilled massages involving scented oils, hot water and steam. This is close to ultimate luxury for them.

Drow of the Underdark (2e)

The ultimate sensuous pleasure in life for a drow is a warm bath followed by a thorough body massage, typically while lying on a contoured couch.

Menzoberranzan: City of Intrigue (4e)

The Bright Future chapter “Siltrin” — the obligatory bathhouse chapter! — features both baths and massages! To pull a quote or two:

When [Jorlan] broke the surface again, he said, “But to answer your original question, why Vizeran has these baths. I suppose you might say we are a people who value… sensual pleasures? Massages with scented oils, silken clothing, jhinrae, and perfumes. Beautiful things of taste and smell and touch.

^{(“jhinrae”, by the way, is the Drow word for “wine.” I’ll talk about this more in the “etc etc” chapter, because I once did a deep dive into how to make wine out of mushrooms, and now you too must be cursed with this knowledge).}

“Oh, so you’re an expert at giving these, too,” [Mavash] joked, but her hands returned to his back. “I wasn’t aware I was being judged by a professional.”

…

“I had to be,” [Jorlan] said, with a shuddering breath. “It is… a part of courtship, I suppose you’d call it?” He smiled ruefully. “A drow woman likes to test the skill of her lover’s hands before she puts them to more intimate uses.”

…

“And if one didn’t pass?” she asked.

“Depends on their mood and their motives, doesn’t it?” he answered, with a morbid nostalgia. “Let us say, massage was something I learned to excel at, lest I find out.”

tl;dr: drow are hedonists.

And on that note… let’s move onto what we all really thought this chapter was about.

In other words, “drow fuck.”

This is by no means my headcanon, either! Menzoberranzan: City of Intrigue (a 4e sourcebook) has this to say (under the heading “The Depravity of the Drow,” no less):

Debauchery: Drow are extremely sensual crea­tures with a taste for lechery and the unorthodox. They take and leave lovers with abandon, and their wanton fetes are notorious throughout the Underdark for their licentiousness and depravity.

And in the “no, I’m not making this up; the writers really just are this horny” department, the same sourcebook mentions the infamous graduation demon orgy (which we also see in Homeland):

Among the most perverse fetishes of the dark elves is the ritualized coupling between demons and drow. These acts are typically part of a religious rite performed in Lolth’s honor. In Menzoberranzan, the graduation of students from the Academy is cause for such depraved celebration. On rare occasions, these unholy unions are favored with the conception of a half-demon draegloth.

Also, while there’s a lot of sex going down in Drow society, that doesn’t mean romance. Or, to quote the 3e Drow of the Underdark, “Most of the trappings of love in drow society are better defined as either lust or politics.”

This is reflected in the Drow conlang, where there’s not really a word for “love.” The closest word is “ssinssrigg,” meaning “lust,” “pleasure,” or “greed.”

Jorlan talks about this in the very first chapter of Bright Future:

He closed down the telepathic link before his helpless thoughts betrayed him. How could he explain that the word they used so readily for “love” in Undercommon had no analogue in his native tongue? The closest was ssinssrigg — which also meant “lust” and “greed.”

He supposed he had been greedy. How else should he feel, when everything he’d ever been belonged to Ilvara? He was from one of the most powerful families in Menzoberranzan, but he hadn’t been allowed to meet her gaze until she’d given him permission. He was nothing, less than nothing, without a powerful woman like her propping him up.

Bright Future, chapter 1, “Ssussun”

So far, we’re sticking pretty close to canon. But now, let’s sprinkle on the headcanon seasoning…

If a drow had to talk about “love” instead of “ssinssrigg”, they’d be most likely to use the word “khaless,” or “trust.” Trust is rarer than lust, for sure, in drow society! This may be why so much fanfic has Jarlaxle referring to his partners as “khal’abbil,” or “trusted friend.” (Which I’m not sure he ever actually uses in canon?) This is a bit of fanon that I’ve yoinked for my own work.

Drow tend to be polyamorous, in theory if not in practice. It’s generally only going to be female drow from highly ranked houses who have the luxury of doing so, though. As I suggested in “the law of ‘don’t get caught,'” it’s only inappropriate if you’re caught while being male, and then only at the discretion of the primary female partner.

Marriage doesn’t exist in the noble classes. I reject the canon view that drow practice marriage. It doesn’t make sense to me given how often noble females see their male lovers as disposable, i.e. “you’re my lover until you die or I find someone better.” Marriages are essentially contracts, and in drow society, a contract is simply a promise you intend to break. So why would they bother?

That said, patronage arrangements can be made to improve inter-House relations. A patron is a matron mother’s primary consort, so these would be the equivalent of a political arranged marriage. And I’m sure they are just as inequal and injust as some arranged/political marriages were historically.

Drow don’t understand body modesty. I mean, everyone looks the same in infravision, right, regardless of what clothes they’re wearing? Plus, we’re told in canon that one of the sensual pleasures that drow enjoy is the sight of other drow bodies, and that they put a great deal of effort into perfecting their own.

(This does conflict a bit with what Ed Greenwood has to say in Drow of the Underdark for 2e, but meh, that whole page-long discussion of drow clothing was weird, anyway).

Another thing with infravision? You can pretty much tell when someone is aroused. Takes the “guess” out of “guess” culture, doesn’t it? 🤣

Male drow don’t make advances. But they do flirt, and engage in the same mindgames around sex that drow females do. To quote my version of Jorlan:

He looked towards the corner of the room, avoiding her gaze. “Male drow do not make advances. It’s too dangerous a gamble. If the interest is not returned…” He made a helpless gesture, implying all the terror his society could visit on him. “Flirting is easy; it’s always plausibly deniable. But to be more serious… there is too much to lose.” He put a protective hand across his chest, and closed his eyes. “I fancied it was a game I was good at playing, you see. Signaling receptiveness while veiling it in courtesy, in the language of the temple; making someone believe it was all their doing, that they were seducing me. It was… a dangerous game, I suppose; there was always the risk of being killed for one’s impudence. But that’s an everyday risk, in Menzoberranzan.”

Bright Future, chapter 7, “Khaless”

Male drow are sexualized in the same way women are in our society — that is, there’s an equivalent “female gaze” in drow culture. I imagine there being something like those fanart “sexy male superhero poses.”

There’s a booming business in unsubtle erotica aimed at drow women. This comes up in Bright Future when the party are discussing the fact that Jorlan learned Common from surface romance novels:

I am so sorry if everything you learned about surface culture came from those, Mavash transmitted.

This time he relented a little. Have no fear. I suspected they were about as realistic as drow romance is.

Drow have romantic literature? That was a surprise.

Of a sort? You might call it more… pornography?

Bright Future, chapter “Velve”

Most sex acts are oriented towards female pleasure, and male-focused sex acts are seen as taboo. (I’ll let you draw your own conclusions).

Of course, no group — even fantasy races — are a monolith, so I’ve written and read many exceptions to this. Heck, Jhevaeth — my drow rogue in Dragon Heist — I played as being asexual.

And on that note… next we’ll talk about sexual orientation in drow society. Guest starring: my disgruntlement at how R.A. Salvatore writes Jarlaxle.

This is part four of a multi-part series exploring how I, Lise, see the drow of D&D. For more info, see part 1’s introduction. Also worth reading is the post where this all started: “On making the drow less problematic.”

1. Introduction + the banality of evil and social Darwinism
2. The law of “don’t get caught”
3. The ultimate in “guess” culture
4. Chosen ones (you are here)
5. Connoisseurs of sensual pleasures
6. Sexual orientation
7. Gender identity and trans-ness
8. Yes, heat vision
9. Drow language
10. Consent in the matriarchy
11. No one is born knowing their society is fucked
12. Etc etc

Chosen ones

The thing I think a lot of people don’t understand about the drow is how they see themselves as “chosen ones” — those who followed Lolth into the Underdark when she broke with the primary elven god Corellon Larethian.

No matter how lowly and powerless the individual drow, they see themself as lucky to be born drow, because they are free from Corellon’s tyranny.

In their view, every other race is out to get them. Nothing they do is indefensible, because otherwise they will be destroyed. If they ruthlessly cull out the weak, the disabled, the incommodiously male? Well, that’s only to make them strong enough to defeat their enemies and take revenge on the “fairies” (surface elves) who wronged them.

And if at first they don’t believe it? Well, it’s drummed into their head in their school years until they do. Another thing about the drow — they excel at propaganda.

Much of this is canon, to be sure. We see Master Hatch’nett lecturing Drizzt as much in Homeland. We also see Drizzt’s resistance to it. But we never see the inside view of someone who truly believes it.

Here’s how I explored it in the story of Kzandr, my paladin of Lolth in my drow intrigue game. — his “come to Lolth” moment:

In the dream, Kzandr was in a cage made of eight massive bars, gleaming like chitin. No, he corrected himself, they were tremendous spider legs — multi-jointed, skittering against stone as they closed around him.

Another moment, and he realized it was Lolth herself, as depicted in the statue, her embrace a vise grip from which he could not wriggle free.

Except…

He looked outside the cage, and his blood ran cold. Crowded around the cage were monsters out of the storybooks that Aksharu shared with him, in the rare moments when she was in a good mood. Grey-skinned duergar, bristling with rage, growing to twice the size of an adult drow. Cunning svirfneblin with murder in their eyes, shaping stone itself. And worst of all, the fairies, the darthiir, their pale skin a mockery of the drow form, their disdain and their deadly menace palpable.

He knew, too, that underneath some of those forms were other drow, the sort who sought to escape the embrace of the Spider Queen, the heretics who ran to other gods.

But he was safe — inside the chapel, inside this cage. Of all the places he could have been born, it was here, where eight legs separated him from cruelty and treachery. The Spider Queen was protecting her brood, not imprisoning them.

It was the world outside that was the enemy.

A Prison Made of Chitin, chapter 1

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Next up: “connoisseurs of sensual pleasures,” a.k.a. “drow fuck.” 🤣

This is part three of a multi-part series exploring how I, Lise, see the drow of D&D. For more info, see part 1’s introduction. Also worth reading is the post where this all started: “On making the drow less problematic.”

1. Introduction + the banality of evil and social Darwinism
2. The law of “don’t get caught”
3. The ultimate in “guess” culture (you are here)
4. Chosen ones
5. Connoisseurs of sensual pleasures
6. Sexual orientation
7. Gender identity and trans-ness
8. Yes, heat vision
9. Drow language
10. Consent in the matriarchy
11. No one is born knowing their society is fucked
12. Etc etc

The ultimate in “guess” culture

I guess we didn’t all read the famous “ask vs. guess culture” Metafilter thread back in the day and take it to heart? Unfortunately the original post has been lost to time, so when I want to make this point, I usually refer people to this article by Jean Hsu on Substack.

Basically, ask vs. guess culture refers to our how we express (or don’t express) our needs and desires vis a vis other people — whether or not we directly ask for what we want, or we assume we already know what the answer will be.

I feel like Hsu’s summary of “guess culture” perfectly encapsulates how I see drow society working. To quote:

• Only ask for something if you’re already pretty sure the other person will say yes
• Read an abundance of indirect contextual cues to determine if your request is reasonable to make
• It’s rude to put someone in a position where they have to say no to you
• If the appropriate feelers and context are set, you will never have to make your request at all.

A real world example with my family: my mom always used to complain that her mother-in-law wouldn’t directly ask her to turn up the heat when she was cold. Instead she’d put on a sweater, make shivering motions, and say, “Are you cold?” (Not sure if this is because my grandmother was first-gen Italian? Italy doesn’t strike me a “guess” culture, though).

In my version of drow culture, it’s not just rude to ask a question you don’t already know the answer to, it’s dangerous, because it reveals that you don’t already know.

Or to quote some of my fanfic:

“You don’t suspect he might have hidden motives?” Mavash pushed. “Revenge, or greed, or power?”

“Now you’re thinking like a drow,” Jorlan murmured, crossing his arms. “I’m sure he does. He never has fewer than five or six at a time. But asking will only imply we don’t already know, which is a weakness we can’t possibly show to him.”

Bright Future, chapter 24, “Thalack”

Fel’rekt wanted desperately to pepper Krebbyg with questions as they wandered the hallways of the Bregan D’aerthe headquarters. But to ask was to fail — joros zhah hojh, as the proverb went. He was already off his footing; he didn’t need everyone else knowing just how much.

“What Do You Hear in These Sounds,” chapter 2

Basically, to drow: not knowing is a weakness. When you ask a question, you reveal that weakness.

And weakness in drow society will get you killed.

So overall, there is a tendency for drow to imply rather than state. In the real world, we might call this “being passive-aggressive,” but I argue it serves a different purpose amongst the drow.

First, it provides plausible deniability for any crimes you’re about to commit 🤣. I call this the “let me tell you a story” technique — I stole this, actually, from Dumas’ The Three Musketeers. There’s a moment where Cardinal Richelieu, rather than directly saying to Milady de Winter “hey go to England and murder the Duke of Buckingham,’ tells a story about a time where the course of history was changed by someone important dying at an opportune time. I heard that on my audiobook and was like, “damn, that’s brilliant; gotta use that.” (I use it in my original fiction, too).

I use this a lot in my drow intrigue game, when Nithrys, my wet noodle of an aberrant mind sorcerer gets called upon to occasionally be a charismatic badass. Like, this bit from my (non-narrative) game notes:

Nithrys tells Gromph [Archmage of Menzoberranzan] a “story” he wants Gromph’s “opinion” on, basically implying that we have a link to Faen Tlabbar, are planning to take it over, and would like their backing (in return for our own backing of House Baenre). But without saying anything outright, of course.

We’re not saying to the most powerful male in Menzoberranzan, “hey we’re gonna take over another house; would you back us?” Because that would be illegal, a reason for execution. But we still get the point across 😈

Also, remember how in part 2 I said the law of “don’t get caught” can erase all crime from the “official” narrative? How do the drow talk about this erased history?

Again, very indirectly! In the chapter “Orb’ilythiiri” of Bright Future we have a flashback to a pre-story event where a number of powerful priestesses are discussing what to do with a problem like Jorlan. But of course, they have to do it without directly mentioning a lot of things which Totally Didn’t Happen™️ (some canonical, some not).

“Matron Baenre,” Miz’ri said, “Again, please forgive my daughter. She is young, and easily infatuated. But the fundamental problem, you see, is… he’s not quite a mongrel, is he?”

When Quenthel did not reply, Miz’ri probed, “You know of what I speak. House Duskryn’s experiment.”

The fan made a rhythmic tap-tap-tap against Matron Baenre’s leg. “I know of no such thing, of course,” she said, her voice placid. “But one hears stories. My brother is quite the fanciful storyteller, for example.”

Which one? Jorlan bitterly mused, though he was sure she must mean Gromph, whose rivalry with Vizeran deVir had ultimately erased Jorlan’s sister Si’Nethraa. Her death had expiated House Duskryn’s sin of presumption, and to admit it had happened was to admit wrongdoing.

And yet, if it was likely to save his skin, Jorlan wasn’t going to argue.

“Yes, Matron,” Ilvara said, sounded chastened. “We hear many stories about your brother, too. Surely his magical prowess has brought glory to your house. Would that our lowly house could have done as much, with what we were gifted and have lost.”

Matron Baenre made a well-hidden snort of satisfaction. It didn’t need to be said how House Mizzrym’s magical talent — Ilvara’s older siblings — had devoured themselves, removing a thorn in Quenthel’s side and paving the way for Gromph to become head of Sorcere.

“But,” Ilvara continued, “It’s fickle how magical talent works, though, isn’t it, Matron? How it seems to miss siblings, or doesn’t breed true — and then sometimes, some seventh son will show up with all the magic that skipped a generation! We discard the ungifted at our peril, I believe.”

Oh, that was cleverly worded, and that was Ilvara at her best — when she wasn’t consumed by rage and zealotry, as she had been of late. Even now, it made Jorlan want to kiss that clever mouth.

Matron Baenre halted — both her steps and the tapping of her fan. “I see,” she said, after some deliberation. She sounded sour. “Perhaps we can give your pet a chance to redeem himself, then. Blood will tell, as my mother always said.”

Bright Future, Chapter 17, “Orb’ilythiiri”

(That’s another banger of a chapter, if I do say so myself! And fairly standalone, since it takes place outside the frame story of Bright Future).

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That’s it for now! Next time we’ll talk about how drow see themselves as chosen ones.