Tag: drow bullshit

Drow headcanon, part 8: infravision

This is part seven of a multi-part series exploring how I, Lise, see the drow of D&D. For more info, see part 1’s introduction. Also worth reading is the post where this all started: “On making the drow less problematic.”

Additional note: currently I only have use of one arm due to an injury. Thankfully I wrote a lot of these ahead of time. Please excuse any infelicities that may result.

  1. Introduction + the banality of evil and social Darwinism
  2. The law of “don’t get caught”
  3. The ultimate in “guess” culture
  4. Chosen ones
  5. Connoisseurs of sensual pleasures
  6. Sexual orientation
  7. Gender identity and trans-ness
  8. Yes, heat vision (you are here)
  9. Drow language
  10. Consent in the matriarchy
  11. No one is born knowing their society is fucked
  12. Etc etc

Yes, heat vision

In their original formulation, the drow had infravision, i.e. they saw into the infrared spectrum and saw heat as color.

In 5e, this complexity has been completely erased; the drow now have darkvision (same as all elves), and it is described thusly:

If you have Darkvision, you can see in Dim Light within a specified range as if it were Bright Light and in Darkness within that range as if it were Dim Light. You discern colors in that Darkness only as shades of gray.

D&D 5e Free Rules

This is the kind of mechanical simplification that keeps being made with newer editions of D&D. And I get it. You want it balanced and not disruptive. We’ve all heard the “chorus of ‘but I have darkvision'” jokes.

But from a lore standpoint, it’s disappointing.

(Though I’m not convinced this is actually balancing! Put a 5e Gloom Stalker ranger in the Underdark and their “always invisible in darkvision” becomes a superpower. We actually had to house-rule this in my drow intrigue game, where the DM said, “yeah, no, that’s too powerful. Infravision ≠ darkvision, therefore they can still be seen in infravision”).

One of the first things that ever caught my eye about the alien-ness of the drow is infravision. In Homeland, in the description of Do’Urden’s attack on House DeVir , the attackers used ice armor to make themselves invisible in infravision. How cool is that?

(And as we all learned in my post about why I love TES, I LIVE for cultures that are truly alien, and not just “fantasy [real-life culture]”)

I use it in my Fel’rekt fic to good effect, when he is trying to hide against a hot fireplace in a cold kitchen, and his speeding heartbeat betrays him.

The door closed behind [Jarlaxle’s] back with a clack. He indeed was in a kitchen, narrow and long. The light from the hallway’s time-sconces didn’t penetrate far, but in infravision he could see the heat of a cooling hearth at the back of the room.

Blending into it was a humanoid shape, their back to the fireplace. Nearly, but not quite — the figure was slightly warmer and brighter than the stones.

As if the hearth was cooling even while a nervous heartbeat sped out of its owner’s control.

“What Do You Hear In These Sounds,” chapter 1

So, my drow have infravision; their world of perpetual darkness is rendered in vibrant color.

This also ties in well with the drow sign language that is mentioned elsewhere in canon (and is also totally ignored in 5e mechanics). Imagine how complex that sign language can be when you can use the temperature of someone’s hands as cues:

He gave his own languid smile, continuing to trace the vein in her palm. “Your blood, branching into your hand like a vein of silver.”

“I’m amazed you can see that fine level of detail.”

“Now you know why we have an entire language of hand signs.”

Bright Future, chapter 15, “Siltrin.”

Next time, let’s talk about the drow language: or, why they desperately need a linguist to look this shit over.

Drow headcanon, part seven: gender identity and trans-ness

This is part seven of a multi-part series exploring how I, Lise, see the drow of D&D. For more info, see part 1’s introduction. Also worth reading is the post where this all started: “On making the drow less problematic.”

  1. Introduction + the banality of evil and social Darwinism
  2. The law of “don’t get caught”
  3. The ultimate in “guess” culture
  4. Chosen ones
  5. Connoisseurs of sensual pleasures
  6. Sexual orientation
  7. Gender identity and trans-ness (you are here)
  8. Yes, heat vision
  9. Drow language
  10. Consent in the matriarchy
  11. No one is born knowing their society is fucked
  12. Etc etc

Gender Identity and Trans-ness

(CW: transphobia)

In some sense, my headcanon about trans or nonbinary drow is similar to what I said about sexual orientation: “of course gender non-conforming drow exist.”

But I also feel I have to append “… but they’re gonna have a bad time.”

(Before I get started: I use “male” and “female” as nouns when I’m talking about drow gender, since using “man” and “woman” doesn’t feel right for elves. After all, Tolkien gave us the distinction between “men” and “elves,” and the Elder Scrolls has books with titles like “Of Men and Mer.” I don’t love “male” or “female” as nouns, either — it always makes me think of creepy incel types — but I had to make a choice, and that’s what I chose).

What does canon have to say? Well, luckily or unluckily, canon mostly ignores that trans/enby drow exist. (Or, for that matter, gender non-conforming characters of any sort!) One exception is Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, which gives us the trans male drow Fel’rekt Lafeen, one of Jarlaxle’s lieutenants in Bregan D’aerthe. (Not coincidentally, the main character in “What Do You Hear in These Sounds”!)

“Wait,” I hear you saying, “I played Dragon Heist and I didn’t know Fel’rekt was trans.” Well, of course not, because there’s literally no reason for it to come up, unless you’re like my group and attempted to kiss your way through Jarlaxle’s crew.

(Heck, depending on which villain your DM chooses, you may never even meet Jarlaxle and/or his crew. I think my husband had an almost Jarlaxle-free playthrough).

Given this, it feels like Fel’rekt was a low-stakes way for WotC to appear diverse and progressive. But I’ll still take it, because I appreciate any representation of queer characters, and hey, there’s always fanfic.

In the RAW (rules-as-written) module, Fel’rekt only has about four lines of backstory, and he has already escaped the Underdark and is busy slinging a gun in Waterdeep. So we can’t look to that for any clues as to how his trans-ness interacts with Lolthite drow society.

But that gap is also what made him interesting to me, and what led me to write fanfic about him. When did he know he was trans? What effect did it have on his life and his relationships? What led him to Bregan D’aerthe, and from there to the surface?

But first I had to figure out how trans-ness would be treated in drow society:

So here’s what I decided:

Given how central gender is to the entire faith of Lolth — that it divides drow into “worthy” and “unworthy” — anything that upsets that balance is criminal. Lolthite drow see gender non-conformity as treachery, heresy, og’elendar — opposition to Lolth’s will.

It’s an extreme version of the gender essentialism that many people fall prey to in the real world. And like transphobic folks IRL, most drow would see this as a deliberate choice that is being made for mercenary reasons.

If at this point you’re saying, “nah, I’m out. I already deal with enough transphobia in real life”? I respect that, and you should feel free to bail. Mine is just one interpretation.

In writing about a trans character like Fel’rekt, I tread carefully. If nothing else, I want you, the reader, to know that I care deeply about not being hurtful, and I’m open to feedback on how I do it. But it’s also my job as a writer to create a believable culture in which to place that character, and to raise interesting conflicts and obstacles for them.

… and sadly, it seems most believable to me that in Lolthite drow society, gender nonconformity would be misunderstood at best, and heretical at worst.

Like the aspects we talked about in previous posts, class and assigned gender probably interacts with how trans/enby drow are treated. I imagine trans-ness is punished much more seriously for trans drow females — because how dare they presume?! — but trans males are likely still subject to suspicion and punishment. Either way you cut it, they’re snubbing their nose at how Lolth made them, right? </sarcasm>

At the beginning of “What Do You Hear in These Sounds,” Fel’rekt is already presenting as male in small ways (eg. no longer wearing hairstyles associated with priestesses, and choosing more gender-neutral clothing), and he’s been able to come out to one of his sisters. It’s implied he’s been doing this for some period of time, and the reasons he’s been able to do this probably has to do with class. While being noble, his family is low ranked in Menzoberranzan, so there is — to quote my friend Sarai — “no need for transvestigating your neighbor unless you have something to gain from it.”

But ultimately, Lolth knows all, and Fel’rekt’s coming out as trans was the cause of his house’s disfavor with her — and ultimately their destruction by the house below them. Fel’rekt refers to this as his “gender treachery,” which is a term I borrowed from Margaret Atwood.

Bitterness flooded his mouth. He hadn’t told Scyvtalis the whole of it. How healing power had died in his hands. How the snakes of his cleric’s whip had struck back at him, leaving his arm swollen with venom. How they had then blackened and fell to dust, as if Fel’rekt’s own traitorous blood had blighted them.

It had been the final sign of Lolth’s rage. This attack was mere denouement.

“What Do You Hear In These Sounds,” chapter 1

So yeah, there’s internalized transphobia at play for Fel’rekt, too. It’s the soup he’s been stewing in; it’s The Inherent Trauma of Menzoberranzan™️.

On the upside (maybe?), it’s probably easier for trans drow to pass as the correct gender, since elves in general are fairly androgynous. When he meets Jarlaxle, Jarlaxle doesn’t immediately clock him, and while he can tell something unusual is going on, and that Fel is lying about some things, he’s got this ring of truth telling him that Fel is definitely not lying about his gender.

(Yes, my headcanon is that Jarlaxle’s truth-telling ring is gender affirming, goddammit).

And what of nonbinary and agender folks? Well, since drow are so gender essentialist, they probably aren’t even thinking outside the binary. I’d venture that most enby drow never develop the words to express their true gender. Which creates an interesting cultural exchange in Bright Future, when Jorlan finds himself in a party with a nonbinary changeling character:

Jorlan felt his temple twitch, presaging a headache. “All I know is that I didn’t think about these things until I met you lot.” It was very simple in Menzoberranzan — there were females, who generally valued him somewhere more than a slave and less than a Braeryn dungsweeper, and there were males, who might not be trying to kill him. If anybody like Lux — someone who was neither gender — had existed there, he’d never met them. He suspected it was the kind of thing the Temple of Lolth would call heresy.

But then, most interesting things were.

Bright Future, chapter 22, “Dackbarr”

I mentioned in my last entry, too, that my drow rogue in Dragon Heist ended up in a… situationship with a nonbinary drow, too. That was definitely an adjustment for him, as he struggled with the associations he had with their assigned gender (female), and what would have traditionally been expected of a noble drow male from a highly ranked house in such a relationship. (None of which were good, and might have played a role in him being a 300-year old virgin 🤣 )

All of that said, I expect very few drow actually come out as trans or enby, or even realize that that’s who they are. If the strict binary division of drow society is all you’ve ever known, it’s hard to imagine yourself as something outside of that, right? This doesn’t mean there are fewer gender non-conforming drow — just that most of them are going to be knowingly or unknowingly closeted.

Anyway, that’s my take on gender non-conformity in Lolthite drow society. It’s dark. But I am also open to interpreting it other ways, if you can see a more trans-positive interpretation!

I had planned to talk about drow infravision next time — and I might still do that! — but I’ve realized I need to talk about drow and kink at some point. Because everyone drow relationship is a power imbalance relationship, amirite? Drow fuck, but they probably don’t do it safely or sanely.

Drow headcanon, part 6: sexual orientation

This is part six of a multi-part series exploring how I, Lise, see the drow of D&D. For more info, see part 1’s introduction. Also worth reading is the post where this all started: “On making the drow less problematic.”

  1. Introduction + the banality of evil and social Darwinism
  2. The law of “don’t get caught”
  3. The ultimate in “guess” culture
  4. Chosen ones
  5. Connoisseurs of sensual pleasures
  6. Sexual orientation (you are here)
  7. Gender identity and trans-ness
  8. Yes, heat vision
  9. Drow language
  10. Consent in the matriarchy
  11. No one is born knowing their society is fucked
  12. Etc etc

Sexual orientation

As a queer weirdo, it bothers how aggressively… straight the drow can be in canon. As we established in the last post, drow fuck, but after tens of thousands of years, they haven’t gotten creative with it?

Let’s look at the canon character of Jarlaxle — a drow male outlaw who runs a powerful mercenary band, and has the matriarchy wrapped around his finger. He is the ur-drow male in my head; the perfect intersection of “god I wish this were me” and “god I wish someone like this would plow me.”

(Being on the ace spectrum myself, whenever I say things like “plow me,” please understand that this is hyperbole).

Jarlaxle also is incredibly flamboyant and queer-coded.

… like, he wears a rainbow cape and belly shirt and surrounds himself with an almost-entirely male mercenary band; come on.

He’s not just queer-coded, either! Several years ago, Jeremy Crawford, lead rules designer for 5e, came out and said, “yes, Jarlaxle is pansexual.” (And fanboys collectively lost their shit… but that’s another story). And as written in Waterdeep: Dragon Heist (by Chris Perkins and Matt Mercer, among others), he flirts with all the PCs equally, and he is accompanied by both male and female consorts. So that’s pretty neat.

And yet, R.A. Salvatore keeps missing the memo, and so this progressiveness is still lacking from the Drizzt novels.

… even when he spends entire books writing about Jarlaxle — as in the Sellswords trilogy, or the flashback sections of the Generations trilogy. (There’s a reason I refer to these trilogies, respectively, as “Jarlaxle and Artemis Chilling In a Hot Tub Three Feet Apart Because They’re Not Gay” and “Jarlaxle and Zaknafein Chilling In a Hot Tub Three Feet Apart Because They’re Not Gay”).

… even when Jarlaxle’s relationships with other male characters are much more interesting and fleshed out than his relationships with female characters.

… even when there are entirely too many sexual innuendos involving swords.

And this is why I haunt the “Jarlaxle Baenre” tag on AO3.

About the only nod to queerness we get, that I’ve seen, is when RAS offhandedly mentions that the character of Malice also bangs women — and that’s only because he wants to vilify her even more by painting her as “slutty.”

(Listen there are many, many things to hate about Malice, but this ain’t it).

Well, Salvatore may ignore it, but my headcanon is: of course there are queer drow.

To me, homo- and bi/pansexuality are fairly common and accepted in drow culture, within the other limiting factors of the society. Female homosexuality is probably even expected, and totally understandable. (Because of course; ew, males). Especially when they’re at the Academy together, where the closest male drow are students of the warrior and wizard schools — all a good deal younger than them, and probably seen as wildly immature.

Of course, a Matron Mother would also be expected to birth daughters, so she’d probably need a sperm donor somewhere along the line. But as long as she’s got that covered, no one cares who she beds.

Male homosexuality, OTOH, is probably less “accepted” and more “ignored.” As I wrote in Bright Future:

“Always she? I am assuming an awful lot about you, aren’t I?”

“You assume correctly, though.” Honestly, it would have been so much easier if he had fancied other men. There was an entire demimonde that catered to that in Menzoberranzan, and for the most part it was beneath the notice of the priestesses. Of course, that would not have been nearly so profitable.

Bright Future, chapter 15, “Siltrin.”

Same thing about homosexuality at the Academy applies — there aren’t a lot of available drow females, so there’s gonna be a lot of more-or-less normalized M/M sex.

I also think that these queer relationships are assumed to be entirely sexual. This is in line with the discussion in my “drow fuck” post, where romance is almost nonexistent in drow society. And when it’s not — if you actually become attached to the person — it’s either weird (if you’re female) or criminal (if you’re male and you get caught).

As an example, I played Kzandr in my drow intrigue game as bi. I wrote this bit in his character history, about his relationship with Kyrnill (his lover from a higher-ranked house) and Ruvyn (the wood elf slave he caught feelings for):

But Kyrnill would not tolerate that. It was one thing for Kzandr to bed a pretty whore in his free time; it was another to bring that whore into his home. It would betray more attachment than he actually had for Ruvyn, and Kzandr must remember he belonged to Kyrnill.

In the events of the game itself, Kyrnill did find out Kzandr had developed actual affection for Ruvyn, and decided to make his life a living hell. It ended… poorly.

Of course, this covers the gendered aspect of attraction, but what about folks who might identify on the asexual spectrum? (Of particular interest to me!) My take on it is: ace folks exist, but in a heavily sexualized culture like the drow’s, they’re gonna have a bad time.

Such was the story of Jhevaeth, my arcane trickster rogue in Dragon Heist, who basically decided that he’d rather get kicked out of wizard school than fuck an instructor. From his backstory:

Of course, like most things in drow society, passing the exams was more a matter of greasing the right palms, with coin or blood or favors — something Jhevaeth had never been good at.

His sisters, in their own wretched way, tried to help. One of their instructors at Arach-Tinilith held some sort of leverage over the Master of Evocation of Sorcere. (Evocation was always Jhevaeth’s weakest area of study). She also happened to be looking for someone to warm her bed. If Jhevaeth just presented himself at the right place at the right hour…

But no. He wasn’t an idiot; he knew the only thing more disposable than a male student at Tier Breche was a male consort. He assured his sisters he would soldier on without their dubious help. 

When the scores were tallied, Jhevaeth came in dead last on the comprehensive exams.

But hey, at least he missed the famous graduation demon orgy.

Later, in game, he actually developed… something?? with an aromantic non-binary drow, and things got a little strange for him. His ace identity is as hard to pin down as mine!

Interestingly, too, a common fanon reading of Drizzt is that he’s demisexual or otherwise ace spectrum! That certainly is consistent with his behavior in the books.

Basically, I see no reason why one’s sexual orientation, qua non, would be a problem in Lolthite drow society. That same society does put limits on the social acceptability of certain pairings for other reasons, however — mostly Because Toxic Matriarchy™️.

Next up, my thoughts on drow gender identity and what it means to be trans or nonbinary in drow society. Unfortunately, it’s a lot darker of an interpretation than this one!

Drow headcanon, part 5: connoisseurs of sensual pleasures

This is part five of a multi-part series exploring how I, Lise, see the drow of D&D. For more info, see part 1’s introduction. Also worth reading is the post where this all started: “On making the drow less problematic.”

  1. Introduction + the banality of evil and social Darwinism
  2. The law of “don’t get caught”
  3. The ultimate in “guess” culture
  4. Chosen ones
  5. Connoisseurs of sensual pleasures (you are here)
  6. Sexual orientation
  7. Gender identity and trans-ness
  8. Yes, heat vision
  9. Drow language
  10. Consent in the matriarchy
  11. No one is born knowing their society is fucked
  12. Etc etc

Connoisseurs of sensual pleasures

(CW: spicy)

This is another one that is talked about extensively in canon, starting back in 2e. But I have a few unique twists on it.

First, there’s “sensual” in the original usage of the term — “appealing to the senses.” This means drow like to indulge in things that look, feel, smell, sound, and taste good. We have examples for this in most lore sourcebooks:

Drow like to give and receive massages–long, skilled massages involving scented oils, hot water and steam. This is close to ultimate luxury for them.

Drow of the Underdark (2e)

The ultimate sensuous pleasure in life for a drow is a warm bath followed by a thorough body massage, typically while lying on a contoured couch.

Menzoberranzan: City of Intrigue (4e)

The Bright Future chapter “Siltrin” — the obligatory bathhouse chapter! — features both baths and massages! To pull a quote or two:

When [Jorlan] broke the surface again, he said, “But to answer your original question, why Vizeran has these baths. I suppose you might say we are a people who value… sensual pleasures? Massages with scented oils, silken clothing, jhinrae, and perfumes. Beautiful things of taste and smell and touch.

(“jhinrae”, by the way, is the Drow word for “wine.” I’ll talk about this more in the “etc etc” chapter, because I once did a deep dive into how to make wine out of mushrooms, and now you too must be cursed with this knowledge).

“Oh, so you’re an expert at giving these, too,” [Mavash] joked, but her hands returned to his back. “I wasn’t aware I was being judged by a professional.”

…

“I had to be,” [Jorlan] said, with a shuddering breath. “It is… a part of courtship, I suppose you’d call it?” He smiled ruefully. “A drow woman likes to test the skill of her lover’s hands before she puts them to more intimate uses.”

…

“And if one didn’t pass?” she asked.

“Depends on their mood and their motives, doesn’t it?” he answered, with a morbid nostalgia. “Let us say, massage was something I learned to excel at, lest I find out.”

tl;dr: drow are hedonists.

And on that note… let’s move onto what we all really thought this chapter was about.

In other words, “drow fuck.”

This is by no means my headcanon, either! Menzoberranzan: City of Intrigue (a 4e sourcebook) has this to say (under the heading “The Depravity of the Drow,” no less):

Debauchery: Drow are extremely sensual crea­tures with a taste for lechery and the unorthodox. They take and leave lovers with abandon, and their wanton fetes are notorious throughout the Underdark for their licentiousness and depravity.

And in the “no, I’m not making this up; the writers really just are this horny” department, the same sourcebook mentions the infamous graduation demon orgy (which we also see in Homeland):

Among the most perverse fetishes of the dark elves is the ritualized coupling between demons and drow. These acts are typically part of a religious rite performed in Lolth’s honor. In Menzoberranzan, the graduation of students from the Academy is cause for such depraved celebration. On rare occasions, these unholy unions are favored with the conception of a half-demon draegloth.

Also, while there’s a lot of sex going down in Drow society, that doesn’t mean romance. Or, to quote the 3e Drow of the Underdark, “Most of the trappings of love in drow society are better defined as either lust or politics.”

This is reflected in the Drow conlang, where there’s not really a word for “love.” The closest word is “ssinssrigg,” meaning “lust,” “pleasure,” or “greed.”

Jorlan talks about this in the very first chapter of Bright Future:

He closed down the telepathic link before his helpless thoughts betrayed him. How could he explain that the word they used so readily for “love” in Undercommon had no analogue in his native tongue? The closest was ssinssrigg — which also meant “lust” and “greed.”

He supposed he had been greedy. How else should he feel, when everything he’d ever been belonged to Ilvara? He was from one of the most powerful families in Menzoberranzan, but he hadn’t been allowed to meet her gaze until she’d given him permission. He was nothing, less than nothing, without a powerful woman like her propping him up.

Bright Future, chapter 1, “Ssussun”

So far, we’re sticking pretty close to canon. But now, let’s sprinkle on the headcanon seasoning…

If a drow had to talk about “love” instead of “ssinssrigg”, they’d be most likely to use the word “khaless,” or “trust.” Trust is rarer than lust, for sure, in drow society! This may be why so much fanfic has Jarlaxle referring to his partners as “khal’abbil,” or “trusted friend.” (Which I’m not sure he ever actually uses in canon?) This is a bit of fanon that I’ve yoinked for my own work.

Drow tend to be polyamorous, in theory if not in practice. It’s generally only going to be female drow from highly ranked houses who have the luxury of doing so, though. As I suggested in “the law of ‘don’t get caught,'” it’s only inappropriate if you’re caught while being male, and then only at the discretion of the primary female partner.

Marriage doesn’t exist in the noble classes. I reject the canon view that drow practice marriage. It doesn’t make sense to me given how often noble females see their male lovers as disposable, i.e. “you’re my lover until you die or I find someone better.” Marriages are essentially contracts, and in drow society, a contract is simply a promise you intend to break. So why would they bother?

That said, patronage arrangements can be made to improve inter-House relations. A patron is a matron mother’s primary consort, so these would be the equivalent of a political arranged marriage. And I’m sure they are just as inequal and injust as some arranged/political marriages were historically.

Drow don’t understand body modesty. I mean, everyone looks the same in infravision, right, regardless of what clothes they’re wearing? Plus, we’re told in canon that one of the sensual pleasures that drow enjoy is the sight of other drow bodies, and that they put a great deal of effort into perfecting their own.

(This does conflict a bit with what Ed Greenwood has to say in Drow of the Underdark for 2e, but meh, that whole page-long discussion of drow clothing was weird, anyway).

Another thing with infravision? You can pretty much tell when someone is aroused. Takes the “guess” out of “guess” culture, doesn’t it? 🤣

Male drow don’t make advances. But they do flirt, and engage in the same mindgames around sex that drow females do. To quote my version of Jorlan:

He looked towards the corner of the room, avoiding her gaze. “Male drow do not make advances. It’s too dangerous a gamble. If the interest is not returned…” He made a helpless gesture, implying all the terror his society could visit on him. “Flirting is easy; it’s always plausibly deniable. But to be more serious… there is too much to lose.” He put a protective hand across his chest, and closed his eyes. “I fancied it was a game I was good at playing, you see. Signaling receptiveness while veiling it in courtesy, in the language of the temple; making someone believe it was all their doing, that they were seducing me. It was… a dangerous game, I suppose; there was always the risk of being killed for one’s impudence. But that’s an everyday risk, in Menzoberranzan.”

Bright Future, chapter 7, “Khaless”

Male drow are sexualized in the same way women are in our society — that is, there’s an equivalent “female gaze” in drow culture. I imagine there being something like those fanart “sexy male superhero poses.”

There’s a booming business in unsubtle erotica aimed at drow women. This comes up in Bright Future when the party are discussing the fact that Jorlan learned Common from surface romance novels:

I am so sorry if everything you learned about surface culture came from those, Mavash transmitted.

This time he relented a little. Have no fear. I suspected they were about as realistic as drow romance is.

Drow have romantic literature? That was a surprise.

Of a sort? You might call it more… pornography?

Bright Future, chapter “Velve”

Most sex acts are oriented towards female pleasure, and male-focused sex acts are seen as taboo. (I’ll let you draw your own conclusions).

Of course, no group — even fantasy races — are a monolith, so I’ve written and read many exceptions to this. Heck, Jhevaeth — my drow rogue in Dragon Heist — I played as being asexual.

And on that note… next we’ll talk about sexual orientation in drow society. Guest starring: my disgruntlement at how R.A. Salvatore writes Jarlaxle.

Drow headcanon, part 4: chosen ones

This is part four of a multi-part series exploring how I, Lise, see the drow of D&D. For more info, see part 1’s introduction. Also worth reading is the post where this all started: “On making the drow less problematic.”

  1. Introduction + the banality of evil and social Darwinism
  2. The law of “don’t get caught”
  3. The ultimate in “guess” culture
  4. Chosen ones (you are here)
  5. Connoisseurs of sensual pleasures
  6. Sexual orientation
  7. Gender identity and trans-ness
  8. Yes, heat vision
  9. Drow language
  10. Consent in the matriarchy
  11. No one is born knowing their society is fucked
  12. Etc etc

Chosen ones

The thing I think a lot of people don’t understand about the drow is how they see themselves as “chosen ones” — those who followed Lolth into the Underdark when she broke with the primary elven god Corellon Larethian.

No matter how lowly and powerless the individual drow, they see themself as lucky to be born drow, because they are free from Corellon’s tyranny.

In their view, every other race is out to get them. Nothing they do is indefensible, because otherwise they will be destroyed. If they ruthlessly cull out the weak, the disabled, the incommodiously male? Well, that’s only to make them strong enough to defeat their enemies and take revenge on the “fairies” (surface elves) who wronged them.

And if at first they don’t believe it? Well, it’s drummed into their head in their school years until they do. Another thing about the drow — they excel at propaganda.

Much of this is canon, to be sure. We see Master Hatch’nett lecturing Drizzt as much in Homeland. We also see Drizzt’s resistance to it. But we never see the inside view of someone who truly believes it.

Here’s how I explored it in the story of Kzandr, my paladin of Lolth in my drow intrigue game. — his “come to Lolth” moment:

In the dream, Kzandr was in a cage made of eight massive bars, gleaming like chitin. No, he corrected himself, they were tremendous spider legs — multi-jointed, skittering against stone as they closed around him.

Another moment, and he realized it was Lolth herself, as depicted in the statue, her embrace a vise grip from which he could not wriggle free.

Except…

He looked outside the cage, and his blood ran cold. Crowded around the cage were monsters out of the storybooks that Aksharu shared with him, in the rare moments when she was in a good mood. Grey-skinned duergar, bristling with rage, growing to twice the size of an adult drow. Cunning svirfneblin with murder in their eyes, shaping stone itself. And worst of all, the fairies, the darthiir, their pale skin a mockery of the drow form, their disdain and their deadly menace palpable.

He knew, too, that underneath some of those forms were other drow, the sort who sought to escape the embrace of the Spider Queen, the heretics who ran to other gods.

But he was safe — inside the chapel, inside this cage. Of all the places he could have been born, it was here, where eight legs separated him from cruelty and treachery. The Spider Queen was protecting her brood, not imprisoning them.

It was the world outside that was the enemy.

A Prison Made of Chitin, chapter 1

Next up: “connoisseurs of sensual pleasures,” a.k.a. “drow fuck.” 🤣

Drow headcanon, part 3: the ultimate in “guess” culture

This is part three of a multi-part series exploring how I, Lise, see the drow of D&D. For more info, see part 1’s introduction. Also worth reading is the post where this all started: “On making the drow less problematic.”

  1. Introduction + the banality of evil and social Darwinism
  2. The law of “don’t get caught”
  3. The ultimate in “guess” culture (you are here)
  4. Chosen ones
  5. Connoisseurs of sensual pleasures
  6. Sexual orientation
  7. Gender identity and trans-ness
  8. Yes, heat vision
  9. Drow language
  10. Consent in the matriarchy
  11. No one is born knowing their society is fucked
  12. Etc etc

The ultimate in “guess” culture

I guess we didn’t all read the famous “ask vs. guess culture” Metafilter thread back in the day and take it to heart? Unfortunately the original post has been lost to time, so when I want to make this point, I usually refer people to this article by Jean Hsu on Substack.

Basically, ask vs. guess culture refers to our how we express (or don’t express) our needs and desires vis a vis other people — whether or not we directly ask for what we want, or we assume we already know what the answer will be.

I feel like Hsu’s summary of “guess culture” perfectly encapsulates how I see drow society working. To quote:

  • Only ask for something if you’re already pretty sure the other person will say yes
  • Read an abundance of indirect contextual cues to determine if your request is reasonable to make
  • It’s rude to put someone in a position where they have to say no to you
  • If the appropriate feelers and context are set, you will never have to make your request at all.

A real world example with my family: my mom always used to complain that her mother-in-law wouldn’t directly ask her to turn up the heat when she was cold. Instead she’d put on a sweater, make shivering motions, and say, “Are you cold?” (Not sure if this is because my grandmother was first-gen Italian? Italy doesn’t strike me a “guess” culture, though).

In my version of drow culture, it’s not just rude to ask a question you don’t already know the answer to, it’s dangerous, because it reveals that you don’t already know.

Or to quote some of my fanfic:

“You don’t suspect he might have hidden motives?” Mavash pushed. “Revenge, or greed, or power?”

“Now you’re thinking like a drow,” Jorlan murmured, crossing his arms. “I’m sure he does. He never has fewer than five or six at a time. But asking will only imply we don’t already know, which is a weakness we can’t possibly show to him.”

Bright Future, chapter 24, “Thalack”

Fel’rekt wanted desperately to pepper Krebbyg with questions as they wandered the hallways of the Bregan D’aerthe headquarters. But to ask was to fail — joros zhah hojh, as the proverb went. He was already off his footing; he didn’t need everyone else knowing just how much.

“What Do You Hear in These Sounds,” chapter 2

Basically, to drow: not knowing is a weakness. When you ask a question, you reveal that weakness.

And weakness in drow society will get you killed.

So overall, there is a tendency for drow to imply rather than state. In the real world, we might call this “being passive-aggressive,” but I argue it serves a different purpose amongst the drow.

First, it provides plausible deniability for any crimes you’re about to commit 🤣. I call this the “let me tell you a story” technique — I stole this, actually, from Dumas’ The Three Musketeers. There’s a moment where Cardinal Richelieu, rather than directly saying to Milady de Winter “hey go to England and murder the Duke of Buckingham,’ tells a story about a time where the course of history was changed by someone important dying at an opportune time. I heard that on my audiobook and was like, “damn, that’s brilliant; gotta use that.” (I use it in my original fiction, too).

I use this a lot in my drow intrigue game, when Nithrys, my wet noodle of an aberrant mind sorcerer gets called upon to occasionally be a charismatic badass. Like, this bit from my (non-narrative) game notes:

Nithrys tells Gromph [Archmage of Menzoberranzan] a “story” he wants Gromph’s “opinion” on, basically implying that we have a link to Faen Tlabbar, are planning to take it over, and would like their backing (in return for our own backing of House Baenre). But without saying anything outright, of course.

We’re not saying to the most powerful male in Menzoberranzan, “hey we’re gonna take over another house; would you back us?” Because that would be illegal, a reason for execution. But we still get the point across 😈

Also, remember how in part 2 I said the law of “don’t get caught” can erase all crime from the “official” narrative? How do the drow talk about this erased history?

Again, very indirectly! In the chapter “Orb’ilythiiri” of Bright Future we have a flashback to a pre-story event where a number of powerful priestesses are discussing what to do with a problem like Jorlan. But of course, they have to do it without directly mentioning a lot of things which Totally Didn’t Happen™️ (some canonical, some not).

“Matron Baenre,” Miz’ri said, “Again, please forgive my daughter. She is young, and easily infatuated. But the fundamental problem, you see, is… he’s not quite a mongrel, is he?”

When Quenthel did not reply, Miz’ri probed, “You know of what I speak. House Duskryn’s experiment.”

The fan made a rhythmic tap-tap-tap against Matron Baenre’s leg. “I know of no such thing, of course,” she said, her voice placid. “But one hears stories. My brother is quite the fanciful storyteller, for example.”

Which one? Jorlan bitterly mused, though he was sure she must mean Gromph, whose rivalry with Vizeran deVir had ultimately erased Jorlan’s sister Si’Nethraa. Her death had expiated House Duskryn’s sin of presumption, and to admit it had happened was to admit wrongdoing.

And yet, if it was likely to save his skin, Jorlan wasn’t going to argue.

“Yes, Matron,” Ilvara said, sounded chastened. “We hear many stories about your brother, too. Surely his magical prowess has brought glory to your house. Would that our lowly house could have done as much, with what we were gifted and have lost.”

Matron Baenre made a well-hidden snort of satisfaction. It didn’t need to be said how House Mizzrym’s magical talent — Ilvara’s older siblings — had devoured themselves, removing a thorn in Quenthel’s side and paving the way for Gromph to become head of Sorcere.

“But,” Ilvara continued, “It’s fickle how magical talent works, though, isn’t it, Matron? How it seems to miss siblings, or doesn’t breed true — and then sometimes, some seventh son will show up with all the magic that skipped a generation! We discard the ungifted at our peril, I believe.”

Oh, that was cleverly worded, and that was Ilvara at her best — when she wasn’t consumed by rage and zealotry, as she had been of late. Even now, it made Jorlan want to kiss that clever mouth.

Matron Baenre halted — both her steps and the tapping of her fan. “I see,” she said, after some deliberation. She sounded sour. “Perhaps we can give your pet a chance to redeem himself, then. Blood will tell, as my mother always said.”

Bright Future, Chapter 17, “Orb’ilythiiri”

(That’s another banger of a chapter, if I do say so myself! And fairly standalone, since it takes place outside the frame story of Bright Future).

That’s it for now! Next time we’ll talk about how drow see themselves as chosen ones.

Drow headcanon, part 2: The law of “don’t get caught”

This is part two of a multi-part series exploring how I, Lise, see the drow of D&D. For more info, see part 1’s introduction, as well as “On making the drow less problematic.”

  1. Introduction + the banality of evil and social Darwinism
  2. The law of “don’t get caught” (you are here)
  3. The ultimate in “guess” culture
  4. Chosen ones
  5. Connoisseurs of sensual pleasures
  6. Sexual orientation
  7. Gender identity and trans-ness
  8. Yes, heat vision
  9. Drow language
  10. Consent in the matriarchy
  11. No one is born knowing their society is fucked
  12. Etc etc

The law of “don’t get caught”

On the face of it, there are all kinds of laws in Menzoberranzan. I mentioned the Way of Lolth in my original post. And for most of those laws, the punishment for breaking them is death.

But truly, the only law is, “don’t get caught.”

Or at least: “don’t be caught while male.”

In canon, we see it mostly in regard to house warfare. Indeed, Homeland, the first Drizzt novel, starts with one house wiping out another.

It’s definitely illegal to attack other noble houses. But if you manage to wipe out everyone who would accuse you of the crime? Well, good job; you will be rewarded; your house will take their place, moving up the ladder of the nobility.

But more interestingly: the house you defeated will be treated as if it never existed. Mentioning it directly is no longer allowed. (Of course, as you’ll see in the next post, drow never speak about anything directly).

The law of “don’t get caught” doesn’t just excuse crime — it can erase all memory of it.

If you fail to eliminate the entire house, though? Well, then, your house gets taken down by all the other noble houses. Oops. Guess you shouldn’t have gotten caught.

All of this is canon, so far. But I think this applies to everything that could possibly be seen as a misdeed in Menzoberranzan — and that the severity of the punishment, if you’re discovered, depends on your status in the toxic matriarchy.

In the chapter “El’lar” of Bright Future, I apply this specifically to monogamy. (I have joked that in contrast to polyamory as “ethical non-monogamy,” drow have “non-ethical non-monogamy”). I think Mavash and Jorlan’s conversation explains this better than I could in essay form:

“Though it seems like surfacers place a great deal more importance on… monogamy? Is that the word? Than the drow do.”

“Fidelity not their strong point?”

Adding flourishes to his drawing, he considered how to explain it to her. “That would require putting more words to it than we actually do. The proverb — in many things, not just in coupling — is Jalbol velkyn zhah naubol. ‘Anything hidden is nothing.’ “

…

He relented first, diving back in for an explanation she would understand. “In practice, it means you may take as many lovers as you can get away with. It is only a problem if you are found out. And if you are found out, the punishment depends greatly on your gender and your status. It’s much more dangerous, as in all things, to be male and be too… generous with your affections.” He smiled at his final choice of words, satisfyingly vague.

Bright Future, chapter 13, El’lar

(Also I came up with that drow proverb and I’m rather proud of it. It expresses “don’t get caught” beautifully within the sorry Drow conlang we have).

Jorlan, in fact, has done quite a few things that would get him executed, or worse (it can always get worse in Menzoberranzan™️), if he was caught. They’re not completely secret, either. So maybe the better formulation is “don’t get caught by someone who matters.” As in this section, where Jarlaxle explains it all:

“Again, I refer you to your assassin friend and his clever set-up.” When that was met with blank stares, [Jarlaxle] made a gesture in Jorlan’s direction. “Or, as he’s known in Menzoberranzan, ‘The Widower.’” Jarlaxle made a smile that showed his teeth, pleased at this tidbit of information.

Jorlan bared his own teeth back.

…

Jarlaxle turned to Mavash, a guileless look plastered on his face. “I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, dear Mavash, but your lover has rather the reputation for… Hm. Let’s say many of his past lovers have turned up dead under suspicious circumstances? And it’s happened enough times that he’s gained a certain reputation, and a title to go with it — allegedly, of course; nothing can be proven.”

“Uh oh, Mavash,” Gaulir said, a gentle prod.

Jarlaxle tipped a hand towards Mavash. “But you know, of course, of the case of Ilvara Mizzrym.”

“That was all this lot’s doing.” Jorlan waved to encompass the group. “We ambushed them in the Upperdark. I certainly thought Ilvara’s victory was assured. And when it wasn’t…” He shrugged. “It wasn’t something I caused, but certainly, you of all people can’t blame me for making the best of the situation.”

“And did you really execute that ambush to the best of your abilities, Captain Duskryn? Nothing else you could have done to save your mistress or your lieutenants? The same ones who had already wronged you?”

Jorlan, staring down Jarlaxle, said only, “It was a consequence of the drow way of life. As were the other unfortunate deaths.”

“Oh, I think no one is mourning Aumaurae Tlabbar’s death, either, fear not,” Jarlaxle murmured.

Bright Future, chapter 31, “Ragar”

I mean, clearly Jarlaxle (possibly my favorite canon character; thanks, DM, for putting him in here ❤️) knows Jorlan’s history here (it’s safest to assume he knows everything, after all). But he’s not inclined to tell on Jorlan to anyone in power. And even if he did tell… publicly, he’s just the houseless male leader of a mercenary band. Who’s going to listen to him?

… which is futher complicated, given Jarlaxle’s real birthright (spoiler: he’s super secretly a Baenre, aka the most important House in the city). But if he wanted his family to act on this, he’d probably have to come up with a more public reason that his family knows about this, so as not to reveal his identity.

… so mostly I think he does this so that Jorlan owes him a favor, and so that Jorlan knows he owes a favor. As I know from my drow intrigue game — where we sigh every time we realize we have to deal with Jarlaxle — it’s very easy to end up owing him a lot of favors.

We don’t actually learn more about the “Aumaurae Tlabbar” situation within Bright Future — maybe in a sequel? — but I imagine it as a case where Jorlan was put in an impossible situation (which involved Bregan D’aerthe) and ended up on the hook for the deaths of not one, but two, of his lovers. So there’s also the factor here that Jarlaxle doesn’t want to implicate himself.

Isn’t this delightfully complicated, this dance? This intrigue is one of the things that makes the drow so interesting to me. I didn’t even have to go too far afield in my headcanoneering!

I’m switching around the order a bit. Next will be my discussion of “guess culture.” It seemed a better follow-up than what I had planned to discuss. Suffice it to say — this 👆overcomplicated dancing around the truth is so emblematic of the drow.

Drow headcanon, part 1: intro and the banality of evil

Or: ruining fanboy’s hopes and dreams one murder elf at a time.

In writing my On making the drow less problematic post — some three years ago now! — I realized that a lot of why I see the drow as so interesting? Comes from my own head.

Yes, I do see the organic flaws of the rules-as-written drow… but then I just substitute my own reality. This informs how I write the drow characters in my fanfic, as well as how I play drow in my various murder elf-fancying games.

But maybe, yanno. This isn’t super transparent to my friends who are asking me “what do you find so interesting about them?”

So, here, at long last, is a series of drow headcanon posts. I’ve written the whole thing already; it should work out to 12 posts. I’ll post links here as I publish the remaining 11.

  1. Introduction + the banality of evil and social Darwinism (this post)
  2. The law of “don’t get caught”
  3. The ultimate in “guess” culture
  4. Chosen ones
  5. Connoisseurs of sensual pleasures
  6. Sexual orientation
  7. Gender identity and trans-ness
  8. Yes, heat vision
  9. Drow language
  10. Consent in the matriarchy
  11. No one is born knowing their society is fucked
  12. Etc etc

Introduction

I feel like I need to start by establishing my credentials — or maybe my lack thereof. As I alluded to in the previous post, I have been a drow fancier since 2e, and I was reading the Legend of Drizzt novels before they were even called that. But I lost interest over the years; after all, the Dunmer of TES are pretty awesome and much less problematic.

Only when I was playing Out of the Abyss in 2020-2021 did I decide to dive back into the world of my second favorite murder elves.

Then, writing Bright Future, I went deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole.

And then I started playing my drow intrigue game.

And then I played a drow in a short-lived Waterdeep: Dragon Heist game.

And then I started writing about a minor character in WDDH and holy shit now I have an entire headcanon.

And I’ve been back on my drow bullshit ever since.

So, I guess my expertise comes from:

  • Reading numerous D&D sourcebooks featuring the drow, including Drow of the Underdark for 2e, Menzoberranzan: City of Intrigue from 4e, and Volo’s Guide to Monsters from 5e.
  • What Drizzt novels I have actually read and remember. I have not read all of the 34?35? of the damn books; please forgive me. I actually don’t enjoy Salvatore’s writing much at all, and I often have to force myself to read it.
  • Lots of time on the Forgotten Realms wiki.
  • Playing a lot of drow characters.
  • Reading lots of fanfic about drow.
  • Writing my own fanfic about drow.

If that doesn’t qualify me to write this post… well, too bad, I’m still gonna write it.

Also, whenever I write “drow” in this post, I mean “Lolthite drow,” because they’re the most interesting to me personally. But as I said in the original post, #notalldrow.

And a big ol’ “drow being awful” content warning for this entire series — but I’ll be more specific in individual posts.

So how do the drow do, according to Lise? Let’s find out.

The banality of evil and social Darwinism

The phrase “the banality of evil” comes to us from Hannah Arendt, taking cues from Kant, and refers to the belief that evil is commonplace and petty, and arises out of treating people as means to an end. I talked about this in the original post — about how I have major problems with the extravagant, Snidely Whiplash levels of evil we see on display so often in the books, where drow arrange elaborate tortures for other drow, or are cruel just for the sake of being cruel.

As I said over there, this gets glossed over as “well, chaotic evil, lol,” but that explanation doesn’t do it for me. A culture based on nothing but chaos wouldn’t stay together as long as this one has — tens of thousands of years, we’re told. It could hardly be said to be a culture at all.

Canonically, the drow are taught that Lolth’s chaos is what makes the society strong; that they are tempered by internecine strife and wars with other races. But I’d argue that’s less “chaotic evil yay!” and more “social Darwinism, yay!”

In fact, we’re also told that the drow engage in an extreme form of social Darwinism, which includes such charming practices as selective breeding, eugenics, and murdering infants with disabilities. (Not to mention the traditional sacrifice of the third son to Lolth). Any life this ends tends to be brushed off as “eh, they were too weak to have survived in drow society anyway.”

Given this, I believe that drow culture is deeply selfish — and selfishness is what I took evil to be when I first learned about D&D’s alignment system. Most individual drow see no harm in shoving another one in front of the metaphorical bus. (Purple worm? Demon prince?) This leads naturally to the belief that anyone you screw over probably brought it on themselves.

That is evil. But it’s not mustache-twirling, “let’s arrange overly complex tortures for our enemies” evil. As I said at one point re: my boy Jorlan: while he’s definitely suffered in drow society, it’s mostly through neglect. Few people have been cacklingly evil to him, because that is simply more fucks than most people have given for him.

And, honestly? I find that utter disregard more evil, more terrifying, than any overly creative torture some teenaged fanboy — or Salvatore himself –would come up with.

(I will admit to sometimes having some extravagant evil in my fanfiction, though — the chapter “Orb’illythiiri” of Bright Future is a good example — if only because I love making my boy suffer! But it’s important to have a light hand with it, and stay true to the characters involved).

More… tomorrow? When we discuss the only law that matters in Menzoberranzan: “don’t get caught.”

Bright Future, chapter “Ragar”

(shhh I think I forgot to post a couple of fanfic journals for BF)

Read “Ragar” here.

Chapter Summary

Il-Lashtavar met this exchange with a sense of bemusement. I will shatter your waking mind and free you from this prison of flesh. Its attention rested on Jorlan, suffocating in its disdain. And from this tiresome dreamer who lays his claim on you.

Chapter Front Notes

Previously, on Bright Future…

Mavash and companions found (and destroyed) Gromph’s grimoire, defeated a balor and Quenthel Baenre, and were crossed and double-crossed by Jarlaxle. And then they were met with an even greater threat: Il-Lashtavar, the Devourer of Dreams.

Chapter End Notes

“Ragar” is “find, discover, uncover” in Drow. As in, “oops, they found out who was really behind this shit.”

As always, I changed some things to make this fight more narratively satisfying. Some of that was the consequence of how I changed the last chapter, in terms of stage managing/positioning. But you’re reading a story, not session notes, so I hope you won’t mind.

A lot of the conversation they have afterwards was pretty true to how it played out, however! That said, the “Aumaurae Tlabbar” thing is something I threw in — a bit of backstory about Jorlan’s other justifiable homicides “widowings,” and something I imagine Jarlaxle not only knows about, but actively played a part in. But that, dear readers, will have to wait. Possibly until the next fic 😉

Is this the best chapter I’ve ever written? Hells no. Is it full of spelling and grammar mistakes and typos? Probably. I usually sit on my fic chapters for a day or so before posting, but I decided to YOLO this one, because I need to finish this goddamn fic. It’s already been three years since the campaign ended!

No promises, though; my life has taken many twists and turns in that time, and it will probably continue to.

As always, thanks for reading. I cherish your comments and feedback, including constructive criticism.

Featured image by taylor on Unsplash.

Fanfic Journal: “What Do You Hear In These Sounds,” chapter 2

(I wrote this chapter a while ago but forgot to write a fanfic journal for it. Oops).

Read chapter 2 here.

Chapter Summary

Fel’rekt gets the Bregan D’aerthe orientation, courtesy of Krebbyg Masq’il’yr, and immediately starts questioning everything he thought he knew about drow society.

Chapter Front Notes

Content warnings: (canon-typical) ableism, and some more internalized transphobia. Also implied/referenced sexual assault — which is pretty much gonna be a constant, because consent doesn’t exist for males in an evil matriarchy.

Chapter End Notes

I re-read the description of both Fel’rekt and Krebbyg in Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, and realized they are both described as being “young.” For the purposes of having them around in both 1338 DR (when this story begins) and 1492 DR (when WDDH is set), I’m going to generously interpret 200-250 years to be “young” in elf terms, especially in the context of “young to be Bregan D’aerthe lieutenants.” This whole ding-dang fic doesn’t work otherwise, so I hope you’ll excuse that broad interpretation.

I may have speedrun The Silent Blade before writing this chapter just to learn more about Rai-guy. Alas, I didn’t learn anything I didn’t already know from the Forgotten Realms wiki or from reading Servant of the Shard. He’s really not a well developed character, and only appears in two books. So, uh, free real estate, I guess.

I borrowed the “hair-cutting ceremony” from biichan’s fic “the season it revives,” because I thought it was beautifully symbolic of what being in Bregan D’aerthe means.

I also want to say, re: Fel’rekt’s reaction to Tebrynn’s disability: he’s been raised in a culture that is obsessed with social Darwinism and eugenics. Fel’rekt has probably never even met a drow with a disability, because so many of them are killed. Tl;dr Fel’rekt is ableist because he doesn’t know better.

The next chapter is primarily Jarlaxle’s POV and is going to address Some Things That Happened in 1338 DR (i.e. during the events of Exile). I’ve leave you to do the math.

Featured image by Barby Dalbosco on Unsplash.