This is part seven of a multi-part series exploring how I, Lise, see the drow of D&D. For more info, see part 1’s introduction. Also worth reading is the post where this all started: “On making the drow less problematic.”
- Introduction + the banality of evil and social Darwinism
- The law of “don’t get caught”
- The ultimate in “guess” culture
- Chosen ones
- Connoisseurs of sensual pleasures
- Sexual orientation
- Gender identity and trans-ness (you are here)
- Yes, heat vision
- Drow language
- Consent in the matriarchy
- No one is born knowing their society is fucked
- Etc etc
Gender Identity and Trans-ness
(CW: transphobia)
In some sense, my headcanon about trans or nonbinary drow is similar to what I said about sexual orientation: “of course gender non-conforming drow exist.”
But I also feel I have to append “… but they’re gonna have a bad time.”
(Before I get started: I use “male” and “female” as nouns when I’m talking about drow gender, since using “man” and “woman” doesn’t feel right for elves. After all, Tolkien gave us the distinction between “men” and “elves,” and the Elder Scrolls has books with titles like “Of Men and Mer.” I don’t love “male” or “female” as nouns, either — it always makes me think of creepy incel types — but I had to make a choice, and that’s what I chose).
What does canon have to say? Well, luckily or unluckily, canon mostly ignores that trans/enby drow exist. (Or, for that matter, gender non-conforming characters of any sort!) One exception is Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, which gives us the trans male drow Fel’rekt Lafeen, one of Jarlaxle’s lieutenants in Bregan D’aerthe. (Not coincidentally, the main character in “What Do You Hear in These Sounds”!)
“Wait,” I hear you saying, “I played Dragon Heist and I didn’t know Fel’rekt was trans.” Well, of course not, because there’s literally no reason for it to come up, unless you’re like my group and attempted to kiss your way through Jarlaxle’s crew.
(Heck, depending on which villain your DM chooses, you may never even meet Jarlaxle and/or his crew. I think my husband had an almost Jarlaxle-free playthrough).
Given this, it feels like Fel’rekt was a low-stakes way for WotC to appear diverse and progressive. But I’ll still take it, because I appreciate any representation of queer characters, and hey, there’s always fanfic.
In the RAW (rules-as-written) module, Fel’rekt only has about four lines of backstory, and he has already escaped the Underdark and is busy slinging a gun in Waterdeep. So we can’t look to that for any clues as to how his trans-ness interacts with Lolthite drow society.
But that gap is also what made him interesting to me, and what led me to write fanfic about him. When did he know he was trans? What effect did it have on his life and his relationships? What led him to Bregan D’aerthe, and from there to the surface?
But first I had to figure out how trans-ness would be treated in drow society:
So here’s what I decided:
Given how central gender is to the entire faith of Lolth — that it divides drow into “worthy” and “unworthy” — anything that upsets that balance is criminal. Lolthite drow see gender non-conformity as treachery, heresy, og’elendar — opposition to Lolth’s will.
It’s an extreme version of the gender essentialism that many people fall prey to in the real world. And like transphobic folks IRL, most drow would see this as a deliberate choice that is being made for mercenary reasons.
If at this point you’re saying, “nah, I’m out. I already deal with enough transphobia in real life”? I respect that, and you should feel free to bail. Mine is just one interpretation.
In writing about a trans character like Fel’rekt, I tread carefully. If nothing else, I want you, the reader, to know that I care deeply about not being hurtful, and I’m open to feedback on how I do it. But it’s also my job as a writer to create a believable culture in which to place that character, and to raise interesting conflicts and obstacles for them.
… and sadly, it seems most believable to me that in Lolthite drow society, gender nonconformity would be misunderstood at best, and heretical at worst.
Like the aspects we talked about in previous posts, class and assigned gender probably interacts with how trans/enby drow are treated. I imagine trans-ness is punished much more seriously for trans drow females — because how dare they presume?! — but trans males are likely still subject to suspicion and punishment. Either way you cut it, they’re snubbing their nose at how Lolth made them, right? </sarcasm>
At the beginning of “What Do You Hear in These Sounds,” Fel’rekt is already presenting as male in small ways (eg. no longer wearing hairstyles associated with priestesses, and choosing more gender-neutral clothing), and he’s been able to come out to one of his sisters. It’s implied he’s been doing this for some period of time, and the reasons he’s been able to do this probably has to do with class. While being noble, his family is low ranked in Menzoberranzan, so there is — to quote my friend Sarai — “no need for transvestigating your neighbor unless you have something to gain from it.”
But ultimately, Lolth knows all, and Fel’rekt’s coming out as trans was the cause of his house’s disfavor with her — and ultimately their destruction by the house below them. Fel’rekt refers to this as his “gender treachery,” which is a term I borrowed from Margaret Atwood.
Bitterness flooded his mouth. He hadn’t told Scyvtalis the whole of it. How healing power had died in his hands. How the snakes of his cleric’s whip had struck back at him, leaving his arm swollen with venom. How they had then blackened and fell to dust, as if Fel’rekt’s own traitorous blood had blighted them.
It had been the final sign of Lolth’s rage. This attack was mere denouement.
“What Do You Hear In These Sounds,” chapter 1
So yeah, there’s internalized transphobia at play for Fel’rekt, too. It’s the soup he’s been stewing in; it’s The Inherent Trauma of Menzoberranzan™️.
On the upside (maybe?), it’s probably easier for trans drow to pass as the correct gender, since elves in general are fairly androgynous. When he meets Jarlaxle, Jarlaxle doesn’t immediately clock him, and while he can tell something unusual is going on, and that Fel is lying about some things, he’s got this ring of truth telling him that Fel is definitely not lying about his gender.
(Yes, my headcanon is that Jarlaxle’s truth-telling ring is gender affirming, goddammit).
And what of nonbinary and agender folks? Well, since drow are so gender essentialist, they probably aren’t even thinking outside the binary. I’d venture that most enby drow never develop the words to express their true gender. Which creates an interesting cultural exchange in Bright Future, when Jorlan finds himself in a party with a nonbinary changeling character:
Jorlan felt his temple twitch, presaging a headache. “All I know is that I didn’t think about these things until I met you lot.” It was very simple in Menzoberranzan — there were females, who generally valued him somewhere more than a slave and less than a Braeryn dungsweeper, and there were males, who might not be trying to kill him. If anybody like Lux — someone who was neither gender — had existed there, he’d never met them. He suspected it was the kind of thing the Temple of Lolth would call heresy.
But then, most interesting things were.
Bright Future, chapter 22, “Dackbarr”
I mentioned in my last entry, too, that my drow rogue in Dragon Heist ended up in a… situationship with a nonbinary drow, too. That was definitely an adjustment for him, as he struggled with the associations he had with their assigned gender (female), and what would have traditionally been expected of a noble drow male from a highly ranked house in such a relationship. (None of which were good, and might have played a role in him being a 300-year old virgin 🤣 )
All of that said, I expect very few drow actually come out as trans or enby, or even realize that that’s who they are. If the strict binary division of drow society is all you’ve ever known, it’s hard to imagine yourself as something outside of that, right? This doesn’t mean there are fewer gender non-conforming drow — just that most of them are going to be knowingly or unknowingly closeted.
Anyway, that’s my take on gender non-conformity in Lolthite drow society. It’s dark. But I am also open to interpreting it other ways, if you can see a more trans-positive interpretation!
I had planned to talk about drow infravision next time — and I might still do that! — but I’ve realized I need to talk about drow and kink at some point. Because everyone drow relationship is a power imbalance relationship, amirite? Drow fuck, but they probably don’t do it safely or sanely.
