This is part ten of a multi-part series exploring how I, Lise, see the drow of D&D. For more info, see part 1’s introduction. Also worth reading is the post where this all started: “On making the drow less problematic.”
Additional note: currently I have limited arm movement due to an injury. Thankfully I wrote a lot of these ahead of time. Please excuse any textual infelicities that may result.
- Introduction + the banality of evil and social Darwinism
- The law of “don’t get caught”
- The ultimate in “guess” culture
- Chosen ones
- Connoisseurs of sensual pleasures
- Sexual orientation
- Gender identity and trans-ness
- Yes, heat vision
- Drow language
- Consent in the matriarchy (you are here)
- No one is born knowing their society is fucked
- Drow cuisine
- Etc etc
Consent in the matriarchy
This is a dark topic, so CW for this section: discussion of coerced consent, sexual assault, and sexual abuse.
For drow males in a toxic matriarchy, what is sexual consent? Does it exist in any meaningful sense, if they don’t have the freedom to say no — if saying no is likely to end with their death, or worse? (Menzoberranzan: It Can Always Get Worse™️).
(Again we are assuming binary gender, because that is the world the drow live in).
I would argue: for the most part, no, it does not. And this is treated too lightly in the source material.
We see this again and again in the Drizzt novels — which, let us not forget, are presented as the life story of the most famous drow in Faerûn. In Homeland — book fucking one of the almost 40-book series — we see Drizzt being, let us say, “highly encouraged” to participate in a demonic (and potentially incestuous) orgy. (Yep, that presents itself again!)
Sure, that was published in… 1990? But it doesn’t get any better in newer books, either. (In fact it gets worse, imho). Timeless (published in 2018) includes the backstory of Zaknafein, Drizzt’s father, and how he was sold into a clearly abusive and non-consensual relationship with Malice, Drizzt’s mother.
This situation might be interesting to explore from the lens of our own patriarchal society. After all, it’s a more black-and-white version of the (questionably feminist) philosopher Andrea Dworkin’s* assertion that consent does not exist in our modern patriarchy, since it saying no so often ends in violence. And I do enjoy the cultural comparison, as well as exploring the idea of a culture that has a very different view of consent than we do.
* yes, yes, I know, she’s uh… problematic.
But the text presents it as a cheeky “oh lol those horny drow women, what’re ya gonna do?” more often than it’s presented as “this person is in an abusive and rape-y relationship.” It also doesn’t acknowledge that just because the victim can… perform, and derive pleasure from it, doesn’t mean it isn’t rape.
You could argue that maybe Salvatore is just doing what a fantasy author should do, giving the inside POV on the drow, which is that coerced sex is totally normal, eg. “it happens; just go along with it, and if you’re lucky, you’ll enjoy it, too.”
But… that isn’t what it feels like.
I personally believe the reader should be part of this conversation, in a “we know this is wrong and we know the author knows it’s wrong but the characters think it’s normal” way.
And that is not evident. Maybe it’s because RAS’ third person POV is so distant; we’re rarely actually inside the character’s head. Either way, it comes across as the author not understanding that a boner is not consent.
(In fact, I spent most of Timeless yelling that at my ebook. When, of course, I wasn’t shouting “Jarlaxle, your boyfriends are fighting again!”)
(… this isn’t a rant about my dislike of Salvatore’s writing, I promise).
I show Fel’rekt thinking about this in “What Do You Hear In These Sounds,” when he joins Bregan D’aerthe and the first thing someone says to him is “lol Jarlaxle must just want to fuck you.”
What if I’m not interested in bedding the captain? Or anyone else? he asked himself. Even if he wanted to, any intimate encounter would have to be preceded by a dicey conversation, one that could potentially end with drawn blades. Is someone going to force himself on me?
…
Bregan D’aerthe was a place for the houseless, but it was still a house, was still in Menzoberranzan. Fel’rekt had to wonder if Jarlaxle, as its leader, took the liberties a Matron Mother would have taken.
“What Do You Hear In These Sounds,” chapter 2
Also, given the drow “guess” culture, I expect there is a lot of implied consent, i.e. silence as consent, rather than enthusiastic consent. Which happens in the real world, too, and is not ideal there, either.
One of the most intense conversations my beloved Jorlan and Mavash ever have revolves around this, after Mavash finds out that there’s sexual abuse in Jorlan’s past:
“If…” she began, and then restarted. “Look. I know where we stand with each other. And hearing what you just told me about your past, well. Whatever you want — what we might both want — I will need you to be the one to approach. To put it into words. Real words, not thoughts.” She turned on her side to face him, smiling a little sadly. “Because you won’t always have the luxury of being with someone with telepathy. Because silence is also not consent.”
Bright Future, chapter “Siltrin”
I also imagine there are a lot of situations where the character in question is — as the kids say — down to clown, but we the reader would say “this is an exploitative situation where they can’t consent.”
This is what happens to Kzandr in “A Prison Made of Chitin.” He’s clearly into his teacher’s seduction, but she’s also his teacher. Plus, there’s this double whammy of coercion:
Test me, Mistress, Kzandr wanted to say. You will not find me wanting.
But when he opened his mouth, he surprised himself by relating the story of how he had been a defiant child, and how he had been punished. The dream he had had, of Lolth’s embrace not as a prison, but a sanctuary.
There was a moment’s silence when he finished, and Kzandr feared he had shamed himself after all.
Mistress Kyrnill snapped her fingers, and he felt his head clear suddenly, as if he was waking from a dream — though he could not remember when the dream began.
It was a truth-seeking spell, naturally. She had to be sure he was earnest, that he was no heretic. She had tested him, and he had passed. His cheeks heated with a giddy pride.
A Prison Made of Chitin, chapter 1
… yeah, zone of truth makes everything worse.
Of course, as always, class interacts with this, as well as gender. The common and merchant classes are probably notably less abusive in this regard. But in noble society, where males are so often treated as trophies, it definitely happens, and is treated as normal.
In conclusion, this is why so many of my fics about drow end up with the “implied/referenced sexual assault” tag. I don’t want to treat it lightly, and I definitely don’t want to show the act itself “on-screen.” But it’s also unfair to ignore it. It can be a powerful tool as a storyteller — a source of conflict, that thing which is so crucial to stories — though with it comes an author’s responsibility to present it in a sensitive way.
… although, gotta be real, I also appreciate my sad drow males being sad.
Welp, that’s probably the darkest corner of my headcanon. If you’re read this far, go do something nice like pet a cat. You’ve earned it.
Next time we’ll discuss a big pet peeve I have with the Drizzt novels: no one is born knowing their society is fucked.
