Starting my Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn Re-Read

The_Dragonbone_Chair

I’d hinted I was interested in doing something like this elseweb, and here I am doing it: re-reading Tad Williams’ late 1980s/early 90s work of epic fantasy, the Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn trilogy. This is in part because we’re going to get a new trilogy, The Last King of Osten Ard, starting in spring 2016.

But it’s also because I have a history with this trilogy, one that leads directly to my writing fantasy today. These books turned me on to the sort of fantasy that is viscerally immersive and complex, extended outside the page with glossaries and language guides and in-world texts and gorgeous Michael Whelan cover art.

The Dragonbone Chair was first published in 1988, when I was eight years old. I didn’t read it then; I was around thirteen when I did. The final volume, To Green Angel Tower, was only out in hardcover when I started reading; I have the edition that is all one ginormous hardcover, rather than two paperbacks.

I read those first two books with the final volume hanging over my head like an exquisite promise. It was the name, you see: To Green Angel Tower. You know from page one that Green Angel Tower is the massive, vertigrised Sithi-built tower that still stands in the Hayholt, the castle where the story begins — and, as the title promises, ends.

(There’s a crash course in literary resonance, kids).

I remember distinctly the day I started reading The Dragonbone Chair for the first time. I was sitting on my parents’ bed in the loft of the log cabin where I grew up, the fan whirring loud and metallic beside me, as I read of Simon sparring with Rachel the Dragon, the fierce Mistress of Chambermaids in the Hayholt.

Last night, on a day that was not summer nor quite fall, with the moon in eclipse, I read the same scene again. I had scarcely opened the books since that day twenty plus years ago; I had replaced my battered paperback copy of The Dragonbone Chair with an equally battered library hardcover.

I perused the ephemera, which meant more to me now. God, Williams looks so damn young in his author picture. I can’t find it on the interwebs to share with you all, but he must have been the age I am now. It’s especially striking next to his current author picture..

The glossary was not as extensive as I recalled it being — but then, it does expand in future volumes, as does Simon’s knowledge of the world. But there are those delightful Qanuc sayings I loved, i.e. “if it falls on your head, then you know it’s a rock.”

And… well. I suppose I’ll just point you to my tweets from then on:


I only got about two chapters in before sleep overwhelmed me. It was no fault of the writing, I assure you, only the fact that I was coming off a larp weekend.

Although, speaking of the writing, it has a certain naive awkwardness you probably couldn’t get away with in fantasy today (omniscient third person, a lot of “as you know, Bob”-type conversations). But oh god, the descriptive language is fabulous. He was the Pat Rothfuss of his day.

Anyway. I invite you to join me in my re-read — even if it’s your first time through! I’ll be checking in here occasionally, as the mood strikes me, but primarily my musings will be found on Twitter at the #LiseRereadsMST hashtag.

Links and Accomplishments, 9/20/15 to 9/26/15

Indian Summer in New England

Links

A little bit short on the links this week… I haven’t been goofing off on the internet nearly enough.

New Neuroscience Reveals 4 Rituals That Will Make You Happy. The title is a bit clickbait-y, but the content is good.

Accomplishments

Writing — continues to get short shrift in my life right now. ‘Tis the season.
– Wrote 262 words on Lioness
– Wrote blog post “Your quarterly reminder that I still play ESO”

Reading
– Read “Hair,” Adam Roberts, Clarkesworld, July 2015
– Read “Security Check,” Han Song, Clarkesworld, August 2015
– Read “The Servant,” Emily Devenport, Clarkesworld, August 2015. Highly recommend this one, if you dig stories about generation ships, class struggles, and the cycle of violence.
– Finished reading The Price of Valor, by Django Wexler

LARP
– NPCed for Shadows of Amun game 9
– Wrote my NPC PEL for Cottington Woods 3.3

Other Media
– Listened to Happier with Gretchen Rubin, episode 30 and 31
– Listened to Writing Excuses episode 10.38, “How Does Context Shape Dialog?”
– Finished week 3 of the Coursera course Learning How to Learn
– Finished the Rift Angler — and with it, the Pact Fisherman — achievement in ESO with Falanu

Social
– Had lunch with Alison at Welcome India

Health
– Made appointment with cardiologist (routine stuff, basically just to say, “Hey, I have horrid family history of early heart disease and arrythmias, what do?”)
– Walked x 3
– Did Hacker’s Diet Introductory Fitness Ladder workout (rung 1) x 1

Your quarterly reminder that I still play ESO

Yes, I still play Elder Scrolls Online. Because of course I do.

I still would love people to play with me, now that it is buy-to-play.

Recent observations and amusements:

The UESP guild is best guild. We don’t do much, aside from occasional contests and fishing tournaments. But it is a guild where you can make jokes about Crassius Curio and people will get it.

Falanu is V3, and working her way through Cadwell’s Silver, where you go and play through the content of the first of the two factions you didn’t choose. For her, since she’s Ebonheart Pact, it’s Daggerfall Covenant, and she’s just about done with Glenumbra, the first full zone there. SO MANY DAMN WEREWOLVES.

“Hey, did you mention to that guy you know how to defeat Faolchu?”
“I did, and I added that I needed to go to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters, too.”

Br’ihnassi is 36, and just reached Malabal Tor on the Aldmeri Dominion side. Which means she can stop sneaking into Velyn Harbor to turn in crafting writs, blessedly. (It’s a “hot” zone, in that you have to free the town before you can use its services. Of course, that meant that at level 26, she was sneaking in past guards ten levels higher than her to turn in some damn Cyrodiilic Cornbread).

She’s also discovered Legerdemain, and the newly-added justice system, and GOD DO I LOVE IT. Except there are no non-empty containers in Velyn Harbor for her to steal from, which is a bummer.

I found myself wandering Stonefalls again with Falanu in search of maple, since I decided to level Woodworking with her. Apparently since the last time I’d been through there, some bastard had decided there weren’t enough cliff racers there. Blessedly, cliff racers in ESO, unlike their counterparts in Morrowind, are passive scenery; they won’t attack you, and you can’t even target them.

But they MAKE NOISE. Suddenly, somewhere around Senie, I was gripped with this atavistic horror brought on by the spiraling coo and squawk of a cliff racer. No, multiple cliff racers.

DON’T THEY KNOW THIS IS TRAUMATIC TO ANYONE WHO PLAYED MORROWIND??

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After a while the horror subsided, and it was just like a swarm of flying monkeys was accompanying me to Ash Mountain. Which is… better, I guess?

No, seriously, I rather like that they added that. It’s really the only place in EP — or in the larger game world — that makes sense, being the same volcanic ashland as Vvardenfell, and it’s a nice scenic touch. I don’t ever need to be stuck in Molag Amur with cliff racers endlessly attacking me again, but I don’t mind them serenading me to my destination.

Links and Accomplishments, 9/13/15 to 9/19/15

Links

“What the Living Do,” a poem by Marie Howe. I was turned onto this by a Captain Awkward post about suicide. It is the kind of poem I love, about the sublime mundanity of choosing to live, day after day.

Kameron Hurley writes brilliantly about The Traitor Baru Cormorant and why she loved it in What Will You Sacrifice? I’ve got my copy of Traitor, though I haven’t started reading yet (other than the three free chapters I read on tor.com)

Authoring Critical Above-the-Fold CSS. Inlining CSS is anathema to the separation of content and presentation layers — but apparently invaluable for page speed.

40 Free (or Extremely Low-Cost) Things I Genuinely Enjoy Doing – and You Might, Too. From The Simple Dollar, the only frugality blog I still follow.

Accomplishments

Writing
– Wrote 242 words on Lioness (yeah, sad, I know)

LARP
– NPCed for Cottington Woods 3.3
– Finished my 5G Silverfire 2 PEL

Reading
– Read “Bones at the Door,” John Wiswell (VP17!), Fireside Magazine September 2015
– Read Without a Summer, Mary Robinette Kowal

Other Media
– Played Mansions of Madness x 2
– Listened to Happier with Gretchen Rubin, episode 28 and 29
– Listened to Writing Excuses episodes 10.36 and 10.37
– Finished the Eastmarch Angler achievement in ESO with Falanu

Social
– Attended Mac’s writing night

Health
– Had an annual physical
– Did Hacker’s Diet Introductory Fitness Ladder workout (rung 1) x 2
– Did Hacker’s Diet Introductory Fitness Ladder workout (rung 2) x 1

Links and Accomplishments, 8/30/15 to 9/12/15

Making up for two weeks here, since I was in the middle of the woods last Sunday, and this week has been crazy…

Links

No girl wins: three ways women unlearn their love of video games

Was going through old email and found this link someone I ran into at Readercon sent me about smut and libraries, and smut involving libraries: Checking Out

“I have never turned heads”: What it’s like when you’re not the object of desire. I relate to this in many ways. I leave it as an exercise to the reader precisely which ones.

No Excuses Craft Tutorials: “how you can make a perfectly good LARP costume for less than the price of a burger at the event.” Admittedly, my larp costume expenses can be measuring in teraburgers, but I still found this interesting.

Accomplishments

Writing
– Wrote three blog posts:

– Wrote 2706 words on Lioness

LARP
– PCed Fifth Gate Silverfire game 2
– Wrote a (very tentative) character history for Crossover

Reading
– Read Vermeer’s Hat, by Timothy Brook
– Read “It Was Educational,” by J.B. Park (Clarkesworld August 2015)

Other Media
– Listened to Writing Excuses 10.35, “Breaking In, With Charlie N. Holmberg”
– Listened to Happier with Gretchen Rubin, episode 27
– Reached VR3 in ESO with Falanu
– Reached 35 in ESO with Br’ihnassi

Social
– Had dinner/went shoe shopping/book club with Jess

Health, a.k.a. Not Being Terrible About My Body
– Had blood work done ahead of my physical next week
– Sparred with Matt
– Walked x 2
– Did Hacker’s Diet fitness ladder workout x 3
– Went to the lake with Matt (not directly health-related, except maybe mental health)

Household
– Weeded by the side entrance
– Went shopping for supplies to finish the deck
– Put tar paper over the non-pressure treated bits of the deck (not by choice, mind… the crazy people who built this deck didn’t use pressure-treated lumber, and we can’t replace all of it without ripping the whole thing up. So we water-sealed and covered with tar paper what we could)

Crafts
– Finished chemise for Ianthe
– Hemmed Ianthe’s blue velveteen gown
– Finished cutting the pieces for a new Ianthe underdress mockup

I Went To Math Hell and All I Got Was This Colorful Marble

I’m back from Fifth Gate Silverfire game 2!

I’ve written about it else-web, so I don’t want to repeat myself excessively. But to elaborate on some things I wrote there…

We were once again at Zion’s Camp, the LDS camp in Raymond, NH. The site was in somewhat better shape, coming to it right after the camp season. The bathhouse in our camp (Lower Staff/Priesthood Pavilion) was functional, which was a big plus. It was full of spiders and their webs, which was less ideal. The cabin I stayed in (the same one as last time), was equally filthy, covered in rodent droppings and acorn shells.

There was also the small obstacle that half the cabins in our camp were still locked when we arrived on site, and that we didn’t have enough mattresses… but those problems was quickly resolved.

I made some changes to my costuming this game. I purchased this lovely velveteen dress in dark blue (seen above) from Sofi’s Stitches via Medieval Collectibles, and made a chemise to go under it. (I also had to hem it up like… eight inches, because I am short and it is designed to be floor-length, which is less than ideal while tromping through the woods). Of course, this weekend turned out to be very hot during the day, so I only wore it at night, and even then without the tie-on sleeves.

Overall I was very happy with this addition to Ianthe’s wardrobe. It kept me sufficiently warm, even at bird o’clock, and it is relatively easy to move in. (Only problems I had were getting up from sitting/kneeling on the ground; I kept getting tangled in my hem).

One big change related to my comfort was… anti-chafing cream. (Perhaps TMI, this). Given how hot it was during the day, I didn’t want to wear an extra layer under my day dress (the same blue/yellow silk underdress plus brown suedecloth corseted overdress), so I needed something to keep my thighs from rubbing themselves raw. I invoked the power of science!!, purchasing some anti-chafing cream Friday afternoon. I’m happy to report it worked well! I walked something like 50,000 steps over the weekend, and it kept me going without discomfort. At least, not from chafing…. (ow muscles ow ow).

Enough about that! How was the actual game?

Just as great as last time. This one was… maybe less fighty than the last one? There were probably as many field fights (two on Friday, two on Saturday, and one weird hybrid one on Sunday), but there was less roving pain, overall.

One thing I struggled with this game was staying in character. I felt like I never really fully immersed in the Ianthe headspace this game. I don’t know why that is. I started to immerse on Saturday, but something about the first field fight of the day plus math hell threw me out. After that, as I got progressively more exhausted over the course of Saturday (I’d been up until 5 or 6am, and walked all over the place, while fighting), it was harder and harder to stay in character. While working on a code, I described a symbol as “looking like an Up arrow on a computer keyboard.” I mentioned email. I found myself talking about my skills mechanically (“I used my event skill that fight”). My friends gently teased me when I did, which usually brought me around temporarily. I just hope I didn’t throw anyone else off by my lapses.

Let me illustrate some of my most fun plot moments, via quotes! (Don’t read on, Wrathborn players, if you don’t want to be spoiled with Silverfire stuff).

“Or we could just make awkward small talk.”

The Arcane Circle got to meet the founder of their Order, Avelina. She was delightfully awkward, and we were delightfully fannish about her. She and Scholarch Vexus visited late Friday/early Saturday to explain a complex field fight to us, which has gone down to history as Algebraic Battleship.

Basically we had to defend three points on the field, while simultaneously solving for x and y in equations written on slates. Once we had those numbers, we then plugged them into a second equation to determine coordinates to “bomb” — basically, deflecting Avelina’s tremendous power to destroy armaments being used against the wards of the Arcane Circle’s Academy.

We took heavy losses in this fight — there was a lot of confusion about what to do, and Silverfire Knights were attacking us even as we took the field. It lent a sense of danger to the proceedings which I probably would have appreciated more if it weren’t already stupidly late. As is, I do appreciate how simultaneously merciless and yet clean fighters the Silverfire Knight NPCs are.

“So we got this math puzzle down to about forty permutations, and then we had the Veiled brute-force the rest and soak the one damage for every wrong answer.”

Another… interesting mod was one that was designed for the Golden Temple and the Arcane Circle to work together. Demons (who are the antithesis of the angels the Golden Temple draw their Power from) were protecting a lockbox with mathematical wards. We needed what was in the lockbox to bind a pair of demons I heard variously called the Infernal Brothers and the Princes of Perdition.

This would turn into the chain of adventures we called “math hell.”

The first mod we went on for this wasn’t so bad — we fought off demons while we solved a puzzle to determine the combination for the lock. The problem was tricky — what four-digit number, when divided by 2 through 9, always has a remainder of one? The cleverer members of our Order determined that we only needed to figure 5, 7, 8, and 9 into the equation, as every other number was a factor of these, so they multiplied these together, got the result 2520, and then added one. Lo, the lock opened, and we received a chain, which we were given to understand could be used to bind the Princes of Perdition, with the proper ritual.

The actual “math hell” part came later. Next we needed to get sigils representing each of the four elements, in order to imbue the chain with power. This meant four groups went to do a very similar mod to the first — fight demons, get a combination to unlock a box.

Except there were complications. I was the first group, and we were tasked with an algebra problem with tangled wording. Despite all that, we found the solution fairly quickly.

But our guide had programmed the lock wrong, transposing two of the numbers.

We spent thirty more minutes banging our head against it before he realized it, and declared the lock opened by the power of Plot. I acquired the shiny yellow and black marble that represented Air (yellow for lightning, I was told).

Other groups faced their own challenges, some easier, some harder. Perhaps the most amusing one I heard of spawned the quote above!

Eventually on Saturday night/Sunday morning we had acquired all four symbols, and needed to do a ritual. Kaelin Umber (Melissa C) drafted the structure of a ritual to imbue the chain, and she and Friedrich Von Nida (Stephen G), Kein Vyland (Matt B), and myself carried it out. We each got to say a few words about the power of our element, and then we united all the sigils in a circle formed by the chain. It was a small thing, but this is one of my fondest memories from the weekend.

“That crown [of the Silverfire King] sure is something.”
“Yeah. Somebody’s compensating.”

The meta-plot of this game was that the Silverfire King — yanno, the guy who declared us all traitors last game — wanted to treat with us. He would come with only a few of his barons and have a chat with us, but in return he gave us a list of hostages he demanded. We could send others, but for every replacement we had to send two Champions instead of one.

Rolant was on the list of hostages, but Ianthe was not, so I got to play out being the worried sister. “If you die, I’ll be waiting at the Gate to kill you again,” might have been uttered.

This played out after lunch on Saturday, and a looooong time was spent in talks with His Royal Cuckoo McCrazypants Majesty. He seems to be under the impression that Power was something he gave to us all 50 years ago, and that any stories of the Orders having Power before then are just “legends.” He also has a telltale left-shift to his eyes when certain questions are asked — I would have read it as just deception, but some saw it as him listening to an invisible voice. Like the Silver Lady we’ve all heard so much about…

The king’s offer was this: help him defeat the Order of the Bloodred Moon, which is a threat to us all, and he won’t ask the Champions to give up Power again until after that threat is eliminated. He seems to have backed down on disbanding Orders and warbands. Still thinks the Veiled should just give up their Power and stop existing, though!

I believe he agreed to stop avenging himself on innocents, but as it transpired later in the weekend, he has an interesting definition of “innocents.” People who share a source of water with Ebonfall? Farmers who provide food to the town? Clearly not innocent, in his eyes.

At the end, someone out and out asked him about the Silver Lady. He vehemently denied knowing anything, of course.

Some of this I witnessed; some I heard secondhand, as Ianthe bored easily of the King’s evasions, and after I while I escaped to fight the Bloodred Moon (who of course chose this time to attack) and hang out by the Gate with other Champions and discuss our relative ages.

“So… do you study genetics in real life?”

… is what James, the game owner, asked me before game, while everyone was still gathering in the dining hall. This is relevant because Ianthe has an interest in heredity; lacking, say, genetic assays, though, her study is mostly probabilities. I told him that I did not (aside from the very basics), but I did study statics. “Good,” was his cryptic reply, before walking away.

Of course, then I wondered when I would be sent on the mod that involved filling out Punnett squares…

A use for Ianthe’s knowledge of heredity did come up, however! For Reasons, there is a question of heredity which the Umber sisters asked her to probe, with her newly-acquired Divination info skill…

“All you people with straw hats look the same.”

One of the mods we did on Saturday night involved helping the Disciples of the Tempest protect a monastery from an attack by Silverfire forces. The mod was hooked by Beaker* as one of the Tempest abbots. The quote in question was uttered by me, when I failed to tell him apart from Kaiden, another tall Tempest PC, played by Rob C.

* I don’t actually know Beaker’s really name, but he fits his nickname very well. I know him as the guy wot plays the Silverfire King, mostly. Which has led to us wanting to make image memes involving the muppet Beaker with a silver crown.

This turned out to be a fun, challenging mod. It started as a line fight where we were protecting the path to the monastery. Then the Tempest folks broke away and did their own thing for a time; when they came back, Kaala (Hannah R) gathered our warband and went to another point on the field, which we designated South. There were three other cardinal directions, too, and at each one, a Tempest PC had to do a two minute kata, wait for the next group, do a one minute kata, wait again, and finally do a thirty second kata, and then run around the points in order, as part of the ritual to push back the Silverfire attackers.

While, of course, still being attacked.

It was challenging, fighting in small groups like this, and I blew through all my healing and my attributes, as did the other healer in our group (Renfield, Chris S’s Veiled PC, and the Heart of the Warband). But Kaala finally signaled that she was successful.

And that… that was not all, but it sure is a lot. I should save some of the floon for writing my PEL…

Three early memories about stories

Twixt Love and Honor/The Duel, chromolithograph from a painting by Laslett John Pott.
Twixt Love and Honor/The Duel, chromolithograph from a painting by Laslett John Pott.
Credit: instappraisal.com.

The first story I remember writing was called “The Burglar and the Bear.” It was written with cherry-scented markers on notebook paper, and I was in second grade.

I’m pretty sure I remember the genesis of this story, too — a jar you could pull story prompts out of in my second-grade classroom. It might have been part of the ongoing project where we created our own “anthology” in a blank journal we were given — or maybe that was third grade. Either way, I kept at it even when I wasn’t getting graded on it.

At around the same time, I started playing a game with other girls in my class during recess; we would pretend we were dogs, living under a picnic bench, which happened to be in Alaska. (I don’t even know). We were each different breeds of dogs, most of which we knew of thanks to pages of full-color photographs of different breeds in the school library’s encyclopedias. I think I was a beagle. Someone else picked an Alaskan malamute, because I guess a Siberian husky wasn’t interesting enough?

Eventually I started writing them down, because if they were entertaining enough to play out once, they were entertaining enough to read about later, right?

When my dad was visiting recently, I spent a long time sitting in my car in the parking lot of the Home Depot, reading. Far from being unpleasant, it was a nostalgic feeling (and definitely preferable to spending an hour arguing with Matt and my father about cement).

Why was this so comfortable for me? It reminded me of the number of times I stayed behind in the car as a child.

Not through any neglect on the part my parents, understand. We traveled a lot by car, because plane tickets were often out of reach. My parents were also antique dealers, so we stopped at every garage, rummage, tag, yard, or estate sale we found, as well as every fleamarket and antique shop. When a ten-year-old nerdy girl gets bored of staring at Depression glass, she goes back to her books.

And my books were in the car.

And we lived in an era in which it wasn’t seen as vast neglect to do this. Dude, the windows (and doors) were open, I wasn’t suffocating. I was happy reading Marion Zimmer Bradley while my parents “invested” in boxes of heat-resistant chocolate bars from the first Gulf War.

This was one way in which I coped with the stuff my parents found interesting and I found boring.

(Another way was building stories from the paintings and knick-knacks and furniture that surrounded me–pretending I was a princess in a nebulous fantasy-land composed of netsuke, ruby flash souvenir glass, faux-ormolu clocks and cigar-box Romantic art. That’s the next anecdote).

It was also how I managed stuff which was too much, emotionally, for me to handle. I remember sitting in the car in a cemetery in Connecticut at the burial of one of my parents’ friends, for example.

Over my seldom-used writing desk, I still have a print that used to be hanging in my mom’s antique shop — called “Twixt Love and Honor,” it depicts two 18th-century gentlemen about to duel over a woman’s honor.

Recently, I researched the print, and found it was a chromolithograph based on an 1892 painting by Laslett Pott. (Which itself might have been a colorized version of an 1886 engraving called “The Duel”). In the late 19th century you could apparently send in 25 tobacco wrappers from the Wilson and McCalley Tobacco Company to purchase this or one of two other framed prints in the series. (I think they’re the ones who added the “TWIXT LOVE AND HONOR” text, as by all accounts that was not the name Pott gave the painting).

I realize by any aesthetic standard, this isn’t a beautiful picture. For all I know, Pott could have been the Thomas Kinkade of his day, and the artifact itself is mass-produced, its frame and backing falling apart, faded with years of sun exposure. But it’s beautiful to me.

It hangs over my writing desk because… this is where it all began. I distinctly remember walking around my mom’s antique shop before school one day (middle school), creating stories from the objects I found there. My story for this one was not quite the same as the one implied by the art; I was convinced it showed a couple being set upon by bandits at a crossroads. I didn’t even notice the print’s name; I only learned it when I asked my mom, “remember that print that used to hang in your shop…?” At that time, she told me she’d never sold it, and sent it on to me.

I’m not sure what the point of this post is, but these are three stories about stories, remnants of my youth, that I wanted to share.

What are your early memories of stories?

Crossover thoughts, or: the weightlessness of us as things around begin to shift

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Credit: crossfox.us (although they appear to no longer be selling this item on their site — I found it on Pinterest)

Crossover, a new Accelerant LARP starting in spring 2016, is now accepting character concepts.

I alluded else-web to having hesitations about playing, and I wanted to elaborate on that a bit.

To be clear, my hesitations have very little to do with the game itself. By all accounts the staff is experienced and talented, and this will be a great game.

What is — currently — keeping me from playing is a bevy of personal issues.

So here are my hesitations:

1. Do I even have time for another boffer larp?

Right now I only PC one boffer larp (5G Silverfire). Which, yes, is fewer games per year than most Accelerant larps.

But I have perm NPC commitments to Shadows of Amun and Cottington Woods. I also have promised to generally show up and NPC 5G Wrathborn games.

Shadows and Cottington are ending, but not until Crossover has already started. Which means that if I played XO, I’d have NO FREE WEEKENDS AT ALL OMG next spring.

I like free weekends. I like them a lot. I’d go so far as to say they are necessary to my physical and mental health. Last spring, I got very ill before I was supposed to NPC for Wrathborn 1, which was pretty much my body telling me “slow the fuck down, Lise.” Also I just begin to hate myself and the world and everybody else in it. So, you know. NBD.

It’s not just the larp weekends themselves, even. There are all the other weekends and week nights where I sacrifice whatever else I want to do (writing, playing ESO, reading, dicking around on the internet, getting drunk, whatever) to prep for the games. Writing character histories. Making costuming. Reading rules docs and generating a character. Memorizing calls and incants. Sparring/fight practice. NPCing other games to get CP.

I realize time is wibbly-wobbly, and to some extent it’s a question of priority. But that’s something only I can decide.

2. I’m not sure how well my character concept fits in the world.

See, I do have a character concept. I even have an entire Pinterest board for a character who may never exist.

Almost a year ago now, I saw the Faithful of the Moon theme and zeroed in on it. I decided I wanted to make some sort of elvish rogue, inspired partially by Warcraft’s night elves, partially by the Elder Scrolls Dunmer. Like the Dunmer’s Morag Tong, she was going to be from a culture that practiced sanctioned, legal assassination… until suddenly it wasn’t acceptable, and she was left holding the bag, banished from her homeland to make an example for the benefit of outsiders.

I did talk to Kat D, one of the staff, about my concept yesterday, and she seemed to think this was an idea that can fit in well as a native of Ariath — there are elves, there is a region which is, at the start of game, basically a mass of small warring countries that would be perfect for her to be from, and the concept would not need to be as melee-dependent as I feared. (I suck at melee).

So that was encouraging.

Then I went home and had CRAZY IDEAS and suddenly I was awake at 2am writing a character history for her. (Feel free to read, if you don’t mind being spoiled if I do play. It is… very rough, and everything you would expect from my 2am brain).

I still have hesitations — I think I am too much the writer, and not sure this character and culture I’ve created have a place in Ariath. I don’t love the name I’ve given her — it is quite literally the name of the nelf rogue I used to play in WoW.

But.

In the process of writing this, I came up with a concept which could get around my hesitation #3:

3. Other people

L’enfer, c’est les autres, eh?

This is not a slight on any of my MANY friends who are playing. It’s just… they’re all way more into this than I am?

The folks who are playing the faun race, the Hindren, have literally been planning this for two years now. They have all their ties already set up, already know their builds, already have their team. This is true of other, less furry groups, too.

Crossover already feels very cliqueish to me — not that I want to be part of any particular group I know exists. But I’m worried I’m always going to be on the outside looking in.

But if I have a character who has given up everything she has ever known, and who must build her life all over again… well, then it makes sense starting game with no more than weak ties to other characters. It will be challenging, but instead of a social challenge for Lise-the-player, it becomes an RP challenge. How does she fit in here, how does she show her value?

Relatedly, I just read a book which mentioned the story of a Dutch trader in the 17th century who was shipwrecked in Korea, and was forced to spend the rest of his life there, by edict of the king at the time. Quite unpredictably, he thrived; he became a gunsmith for the royal armory, married a Korean woman, and had two sons. When other Dutch showed up thirty years later, he could barely speak his native tongue any more. That second batch were held to the same edict; most of them tried to escape and were generally pretty unhappy there.

Which got me to thinking: what is it like to never be able to go home? What makes some people thrive in that situation, and others founder?

Having lived abroad, I know exactly how bewildering that first month, three months, a year are. I remember thinking, in my first weeks in France, how different everything was; how it was like learning to live again.

That’s the kind of feeling I want to capture with Melesarla — a native of Ariath, but still an outsider.

If I play.

Which I still don’t know 🙁

How about you? Are you playing? Will you try to sway me one way or another? 😉

Links and Accomplishments, 8/23/15 to 8/29/15

Links

Steve Brust’s post about Who Really Runs the Hugo Awards gave me a chuckle. It’s not the cabal you thought it was!

The two sets of instructions I smooshed together to make the chemise mentioned below (not noted as finished, because I still need to hem it): one from Reconstructing History, and another from elizabethancostume.net. I used primarily the RH one, which was as confusing as I usually find their instructions to be; thankfully, it’s not that hard to figure out how to sew together a bunch of rectangles.

Aside from some tangles with making the casing for the drawstring (I should have heeded source #2’s advice on adding the casing before sewing on the arms), it went together fairly easily, which was a relief after all the annoyances I’ve had with sewing recently.

I See Your Preferences, Wendig by Foz Meadows. I like a lot of Chuck Wendig’s writing advice, but I thought this was a good critique of some unexamined bias and taste preferences. Loved the use of The Goblin Emperor for examples, too, since it does break a lot of storytelling rules, but garners a loyal following nonetheless.

Also Foz Meadows, but writing for A Dribble of Ink: Fight Like a Woman, which is ostensibly a review of Django Wexler’s The Shadow Throne, but actually talks about all the reasons the women in his series are awesome. Which I’ve been saying since 2011, but we can’t all have been his alpha readers.

Accomplishments

Writing
– Wrote 2,754 words on Lioness

Reading
(I have lots of stuff in progress right now, but nothing finished this week)

Other Media
– Played Claustrophobia
– Listened to Writing Excuses 10.33, “Q&A on Pacing”
– Listened to Happier with Gretchen Rubin, episodes 25 and 26
– Watched lecture 3 of Brandon Sanderson’s 2013 SFF writing class at BYU
– Finished the Shadowfen Angler achievement in ESO with Falanu

Crafts
– Bought linen for a chemise (to go under new velveteen gown)
– Cut out chemise pieces

Links and Accomplishments, 8/16/15 to 8/22/15 (plus bonus Hugo meditations)

This was a very unaccomplished week for me, for many reasons. Ah well. Hoping to go into this week feeling rested and relatively sane.

Accomplishments

Writing
– Submitted “Powder of Sympathy” to Interfictions
– Wrote 397 words on Lioness
– Attended writing group meeting

Reading
– Read “ReMemories,” by (fellow VP17er!) Nancy S.M. Waldeman, in FantasyScroll magazine

Other Media
– Played Caverna for the first time (and won!)
– Played four games of Mansions of Madness
– Watched The Imitation Game
– Watched the livestream of the 2015 Hugo Awards (technically much of this happened on 8/23 East Coast time, but OH WELL)
– Listened to Writing Excuses 10.32, “Combat, with Marie Brennan”

Social
– Hosted a visit from my dad
– Drinks with Kevin

Rejection Log

If I’m going to be submitting stuff regularly, I think keeping track of this as part of the L&A is probably a good idea.

– “Remember to Die,” DSF, Aug 21st. Need to find my next market for this. Dark magic realism with cake and death, 700 words… any idea who would like this?

Links (Hugos edition!)

It was well past midnight, East Coast time, when the Hugos even started being awarded, but in case you are curious — it went well, from my perspective. Puppies got closed out in five categories (best related work, short story, novella, editor – long form, and editor – short form), where it was decided that No Award was better than any of the dreck they had nominated. I will for a long time remember the satisfied smile on Tananarive Due’s face when she read “The Hugo voters have decided that in this category there will be no award,” and the applause that went up in the auditorium when she did. (David Gerrold looked less happy about it — at one point he said, “Applause is acceptable; booing is not”).

Sadly, my beloved The Goblin Emperor did not win Best Novel, but from all I can tell, The Three Body Problem is a worthy choice. (I did not vote myself — I did not feel well-enough informed about the various options).

I know there are people on both sides of the controversy who are all like, “None of this matters, it’s just a stupid rocket.”

But, you know. That stupid rocket matters a lot to a lot of people, including me.

When I was just a young girl trolling the library for the (at the time, rare) SFF books, it mattered.

When I first started writing SFF, it mattered.

When I went to my first WorldCon (2004, in Boston), and saw Lois McMaster Bujold accept the Best Novel Hugo for Paladin of Souls, and give the shortest, most eloquent acceptance speech I’ve ever heard, it mattered.

It mattered when I first voted (2005, in LA), and it broke my heart that Kelly Link’s “Magic for Beginners” lost Best Novella to Connie Willis’ “The Inside Job” — though I knew they were both works of great value.

I’ll probably never win a Hugo (let alone get published), but it still matters to me. It’s something to aspire to. It’s something to believe in, as a symbol that our genre is more than just ephemeral stories we tell ourselves around campfires — more than just the flickering shadows of unicorns and rockets on cave walls.

Anyway. Next year I resolve to buy a supporting membership and nominate, in my small effort to make sure the system isn’t gamed again. Of course that means reading a lot of stuff that comes out this year, but that seems like a small price to pay.

* Which is kind of hilarious, because his Shadow Campaigns books are everything the Puppies (the sad variety, at least) pretend to like — military fantasy, a rip-roaring good story, etc. Except it has lesbians (and straight women, too) making effective choices and being badass in various ways — so you can tell where the Pups’ real priorities lie.